50 Hilarious Parents Who Tweeted Through Another LooOOOoooOOong Month Of Parenthood
"This little boy got in my car with my kids, and I assumed it was one of their friends. I asked his name and introduced myself. He gets out of the car, and my kids say, 'I don’t know that boy. I guess he just wanted a ride.'💀" —@themultiplemom
June is already behind us because time flies and we're all getting old (a fact that kids are FAR too quick to remind us). So, as a distraction, here are the 50 funniest tweets by parents last month!
me: *hurt my back at the gym, then made it worse moving boxes*
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 1, 2023
my 7yo: I think your back hurts because you're getting old
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
Stevie Wonder: “Isn’t she lovely” is about the birth of my child.
— Kevín (@KevOnStage) June 3, 2023
Us: This is a wedding song.
2.
I like having fellow toddler moms as friends because I’ll text them like “sorry, we are going to be 25 minutes late to the park, we saw an ant.” And they’re like “no problem we’re gonna be 30 bc he had to put on his own shoes.”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 25, 2023
3.
Honestly insane that you can be a kid but then grow up and live alone and have no one to be like “I threw up” to
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) June 25, 2023
4.
BIG BIG CHICKEN pic.twitter.com/Edo9TMuYo4
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 7, 2023
5.
On the road trip, my son pulled out his laptop and announced he was writing a novel.
— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) July 1, 2023
Me: I hope it's not about a kid with a crazy writer for a mom
My 9yo son looking at me dead in the eyes through the rearview mirror: It's about a little boy with dark secrets no one knows
6.
my 8yo’s friend came over wearing a Guns-n-Roses t-shirt
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 26, 2023
me: cool shirt, one of my favorite bands when I was younger
him: yeah it’s my grandma’s favorite band
7.
There was a hostage situation at my daughter’s 3 hour dance recital. It was me, I was held hostage.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 27, 2023
8.
A little girl at Pride with her mouth stained BRIGHT red just passed with her family, looked directly at us, held up the drink her hand, and in the most feral voice imaginable exclaimed “I got JUICE!!!!” 😭😭😭
— Morgan Danielle 🩷💜🩵 (@imaginmatrix) June 25, 2023
9.
Discovered my 6yo has been challenging my work colleagues to Words with Friends on my account and she solely plays with "fart" "poop" and "butt" words
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 17, 2023
...so it appears as though 𝙄 solely play with "fart" "poop" and "butt" words 😬
10.
My daughter said the holes in my jeans make me look scruffy and I’m confused because I don’t remember giving birth to my mother
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) June 20, 2023
11.
it takes a village to protect the children pic.twitter.com/kLBhmhLTeI
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 23, 2023
12.
5yo: What’s Romeo and Juliet?
— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) June 19, 2023
Me: Well, it’s a story about two people who fell in love, and…
[2 parents, both English professors, one a Shakespearean, give a long and age-inappropriate synopsis]
5yo: Wow.
Me: Yeah. It’s sad.
5yo: Yeah. I can’t believe they FELL in LAVA!
13.
Lately when my kids have something to tell me they say “Hear this!” They grow up so fast, like one day they’re a baby and the next day they’re an 18th century town crier.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 24, 2023
14.
All I ask this Father’s Day is that my family join me outside on the lawn to admire the mow lines together
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) June 17, 2023
15.
My son set up a lemonade stand and he's sitting there with a pokemon hat and all his customers are all dudes in trucks who keep tipping him and calling him "my man" 😭
— Lyz Lenz (@lyzl) June 19, 2023
16.
My kid woke up in the middle of the night because he was *checks notes* too tired to sleep
— meghan (@deloisivete) June 7, 2023
17.
Before I had a baby I read an AITA where a husband was asking if his wife was the asshole bc, overwhelmed, she handed him the baby during an important Zoom meeting, got into her car and drove away for 3 hours and at the time I was like "yes" and now I'm like "a hero".
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 22, 2023
18.
My kids told me I swear too much so I promised to stop saying fuck but like 3 minutes later I said fuck and then I said fuck I just said fuck so you can see this is turning out to be harder than I expected
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 21, 2023
19.
told my daughter that I couldn't remember the name of another dad and she said "just call him big dog, dads like that" in case any of you big dogs are looking for a life coach
— 🌜🤷♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) June 14, 2023
20.
Worst kids at the park, ranked:
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 25, 2023
5. Yeller
4. random kid who won’t stop asking me, an adult, to play with them
3. kid who picks up all the toys at once so nobody can have them
2. runny nose kid
1. my own kid, screaming “MAMA IM TALKING TO YOU” while I try to have a conversation
21.
I love how you can make a toddler’s day by gifting them with a grocery store receipt and telling them it’s theirs and they can keep it forever
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 15, 2023
22.
My kid drew a duck riding a spaceship. pic.twitter.com/swFRLyReSV
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 12, 2023
23.
me: a dozen is 12, but a baker’s dozen is 13.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 13, 2023
my 8yo: that makes sense because there’s a kid at my school named Baker who’s bad at counting.
24.
Just when you think you finally understand your kid he says “let’s do a high five, but in Spanish.”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) June 25, 2023
25.
Today the 8 year old told me she deliberately spelled a word wrong in the last round of the school spelling bee because “if you lose you get a piece of candy, but if you win you just get a boring medal”
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) June 14, 2023
26.
Asking a blatantly tired toddler if they are tired is deeply offensive in their culture
— Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) June 7, 2023
27.
"i just need a day of rest today"
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 15, 2023
-my 8 yo on his 2,920th day of doing jackshit
28.
I was a nanny & the eldest of a big family before I had kids but nothing adequately prepared me for the demand my toddler would exert upon me to be his personal troubadour. I do not KNOW any songs about dinosaurs on Halloween & making one up WHILST parallel parking is STRESSFUL.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) June 23, 2023
29.
Okay, so my 6-year old sings when he's pooping. Top of his lungs, usually songs he makes up, almost always w/the door wide open. Yesterday on our flight from Paris, he had to go, so he shout-serenaded passengers w/an original tune for 10 minutes (door closed). It was magnificent.
— Samuel Perry (@profsamperry) June 18, 2023
30.
We let my 5-year-old try a root beer, and after he took a big gulp, he yelled, “Oh my gosh, I can feel myself turning into a man!”
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) June 12, 2023
31.
My daughter wrote a song called fff (fake friends forever) and I don’t know if I should produce it or put her in therapy.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) June 15, 2023
32.
In my 20s: I would never lie to my kids. They will be strong enough to see the world as it is.
— RandomSprint (@RandomSprint) June 24, 2023
In my 30s: That's called Paw Patrol. They only have it at the barber. You can watch it again the next time you get a haircut.
33.
This little boy got in my car with the kids and I assumed it was one of their friends. I asked his name and introduced myself. He gets out of the car and my kids say “I don’t know that boy. I guess he just wanted a ride”. 💀💀💀
— Princess (@themultiplemom) June 14, 2023
34.
Place to pet your WWE championship belt pic.twitter.com/7vIefz8DI1
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 22, 2023
35.
As a Los Angeles babysitter I have seen children’s birthday parties that would make Bernie Sanders kill himself
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) June 14, 2023
36.
yesterday kiddo woke up from his nap crying, then fell asleep on me while we rocked on his chair. when he woke up again he said "count the mommies," first pointed to the corner in the dark, said "one!" and then at me and said "two!" so that's been on my mind a bit
— taryn (@peepsaregood) June 15, 2023
37.
The extreme amount of stress I feel when crawling into my sleeping child’s room to leave tooth fairy money proves I could never make it as a spy
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 25, 2023
38.
I know, I’ll just let my kid watch TV this morning and that way I’ll have time to get some work done! annnnd nope I’ve spent 27 minutes trying to find the episode of Peppa Pig where George won’t eat his carrots.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 15, 2023
39.
just watched my toddler dip a string cheese into strawberry yogurt and eat it, then chug 8 oz of whole milk. a literal Dairy Queen
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 20, 2023
40.
Sorry, stay at home moms and dads, but parenting is NOT a job. You can get fired from a job, and despite my egregious daily parenting fails, I haven't even managed to get suspended for the afternoon.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 12, 2023
41.
On tonight’s episode of regrettable parenting decisions, I let my 1yo hold his new toothbrush while I changed his diaper, and he peed on it.
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) June 8, 2023
42.
When my older kid was a baby and never slept people would always say “it means he’s smart, the smart ones don’t sleep” but I can tell they were just lying to make me feel better now bc my new baby sleeps really well and nobody has been like “oh sorry you got a dummy”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 2, 2023
43.
“Mama. I have bad news. I drank too much water and now I have a tummy ache.”
— kindminds_smarthearts (@kindminds_) June 17, 2023
-my son after eating 4 cookies
44.
At my old job, you could volunteer to read to a 1st grader every Wednesday. My partner was a lil boy who LIED SO MUCH. the lies were so amazing. I just wanted him to talk. I hated that we had to read 😩😅
— neurodelicious, Black 🌟🌈🍯 (@GummiPies) June 5, 2023
One day, he told me that he sleeps standing upside down on the ceiling.
45.
My kids: Mom, you need to relax.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 22, 2023
Also my kids: pic.twitter.com/NW1OQoudBS
46.
*title of the movie pops up on the scree…
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) June 21, 2023
My kid: Mommy what’s happening next?
47.
I gave 10 a fact about something over dinner and he didn't really believe me. He then said "am I supposed to think you suddenly got smart??". Like, what the hell man I don't have to take this abuse.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2023
48.
My niece came home with a hicky and her parents asked me to talk to her because COOL AUNT 🦸🏽♀️ (that’s 31 with a 15 yr old 😅)
— J*jo S*wa is 39 years old 💇🏼♀️👱🏻 (@arieella_) June 5, 2023
Why I text her “heyyyyy Hicki Minaj 🌝”
Maybe I’m emotionally stunted because there’s no reason to play this much 😭
49.
Friend: What are you up to this week?
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) June 19, 2023
Me: Well I took my kids to the children’s museum over the weekend so I assume I’ll be battling a family-wide plague.
50.
My 5yo told me he's carrying coins in his pocket in case he runs into any guys he has to pay, and now I have questions
— meghan (@deloisivete) June 8, 2023
Don't miss the funniest tweets by parents last week:
28 Hysterical Moms And Dads Who Tweeted Their Way Through Another Grueling Week Of Parenthood
...or the funniest tweets by parents in May!
You'll Actually, Literally Pass Away From Laughing At The 50 Funniest Tweets By Parents Last Month