35 Funny Tweets By Parents Last Month That Are So, So, So, So, Soooooo Outrageously Hilarious

    "Being a parent to a toddler is messing with my vocab. Told someone that I was sorry I was late because I got stuck waiting on a choo choo train to pass." —@treydayway

    Now that it's March, you now have an excellent Easter bunny-themed "game" to play with young children who run everywhere:

    If you need a preschooler to slow down, you don't say "slow down" you say "hop like a bunny" and tbh this strategy works on everyone of every age for every instruction

    — sarah (@sarahradz_) February 28, 2024
    Twitter: @sarahradz_

    Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!

    1.

    Realizing I have started to talk about preschool viruses I’ve contracted like a disease sommelier “Flu was more like an intense, full-body thing, but RSV was more back of the palate, dry…”

    — girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) February 8, 2024
    Twitter: @realgirl_fieri

    2.

    Daughter: 🎶my mom is so pretty, she’s the best mom🎶

    Me: best song I’ve ever heard, keep going!

    Daughter: 🎶and she’s getting older and won’t be here soon🎶

    Me: …….

    — Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 29, 2024
    Twitter: @KatieDeal99

    3.

    My 6yo got home from school and crawled into bed with a tube of pringles, so I guess it was a rough day in kindergarten

    — meghan (@deloisivete) February 21, 2024
    Twitter: @deloisivete

    4.

    Have kids so you can find a banana peel in your washing machine AFTER you washed your clothes.

    — @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 29, 2024
    Twitter: @itssherifield

    5.

    when my teenager was diagnosed w/ADHD, the therapist talked to us about how ADHD manifests differently in girls, and as she read through the list, every single one of us turned to my ex husband and all at once were like OMG YOU HAVE ADHD BUT FOR GIRLS & he got diagnosed next lol

    — Luna the Moth (@LunaTheMoth) February 19, 2024
    Twitter: @LunaTheMoth

    6.

    Sorry kids I missed your childhood, I was busy trying to catch up on emails from your school

    — Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 29, 2024
    Twitter: @Chhapiness

    7.

    keep reaching for the fuckin’ stars, billy. pic.twitter.com/MF0R3kUA7B

    — NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) February 29, 2024
    Twitter: @rn_murse

    8.

    My 5yo: I AM GOING TO TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT A DRAGON AND LETTUCE.
    Me *after ten minutes of story*: Let’s wrap it up, Babe.
    5yo: AND THEN EVERYONE DIED.
    Me: That’ll work.

    — Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 20, 2024
    Twitter: @courtneyellis

    9.

    whenever i see a little kid walking around i’m like damn they really nailed it with “toddlers”

    — Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) February 21, 2024
    Twitter: @BrandyLJensen

    10.

    My daughter said all the kids were in school talking about whose dad would win in a race.

    She said that they all agreed to ask their dads to be in the race. I asked why she didn’t ask me to race.

    She looked at me. She looked at my stomach. Then we drove home in silence

    — Khairy Creek (@KhairyCreek) February 21, 2024
    Twitter: @KhairyCreek

    11.

    My 6yo is chanting all the words that rhyme with sucker and this is going to end badly in about 3 seconds

    — meghan (@deloisivete) February 29, 2024
    Twitter: @deloisivete

    12.

    No. Target. No. pic.twitter.com/Q39adp3gui

    — AlisonIsBossy (@AlisonIsBossy) February 20, 2024
    Twitter: @AlisonIsBossy

    13.

    Being a parent to a toddler is messing with my vocab. Told someone that I was sorry I was late because I got stuck waiting on a choo choo train to pass

    — Trey (@treydayway) February 18, 2024
    Twitter: @treydayway

    14.

    Good news! My 8YO says she is halfway done with the story she started telling last Monday

    — Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 22, 2024
    Twitter: @Chhapiness

    15.

    My three kids are roughly the same age as Kate Middleton’s so I can say pretty confidently that she is hiding in the bathroom pretending to pee for a really long time.

    — Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 28, 2024
    Twitter: @missmulrooney

    16.

    There's an ambulance outside as we walk into a store, and when my husband says that someone must be sick or hurt, my 7yo loudly proclaims, "BUT WHY would they 𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 them to Walmart?!"

    — Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 20, 2024
    Twitter: @LizerReal

    17.

    I went boohooing to my mom and Jax was like “why were you crying on Grandma like that?” I had to explain how like when he wants to cuddle when he is upset and he was like “She’s like your …mom?”

    — Yamber Rose (@Tendin2) February 28, 2024
    Twitter: @Tendin2

    18.

    Please keep my 10 yo in your thoughts and prayers this morning. He has to take a shower and it has "ruined his life's plans".

    — Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 22, 2024
    Twitter: @dadmann_walking

    19.

    9yo (frustrated and crying): I just want to read my book, but I keep having to talk to people and do chores!

    — Annie Morgan (@annie_m_morgan) February 18, 2024
    Twitter: @annie_m_morgan

    20.

    My 7yo strapped this abomination into my shopping cart.

    I'm getting looks. pic.twitter.com/zPQs2LgGic

    — Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 26, 2024
    Twitter: @LizerReal

    21.

    with both parents in the hospital the second most asked question i get after “how are they” is “how is your husband doing with the kids when you’re gone all the time?”

    im going to start telling people he was unable to handle them so he sold them to the circus

    — That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 21, 2024
    Twitter: @mom_tho

    22.

    My 5yo: AT SCHOOL IF YOU BE NAUGHTY YOU HAVE TO SIT IN A CHAIR AND I AM NOT NAUGHTY BUT I WANTED TO SIT IN THE CHAIR SO I BE CRAZY AND THE TEACHER TOLD ME TO SIT IN THE CHAIR
    Me:
    5yo: WASN’T EVEN FUN IN THE CHAIR. GUESS I’M DONE WITH THE CRAZY

    — Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 14, 2024
    Twitter: @courtneyellis

    23.

    my son at 2 years old had a muffin phase—I had to (as did daycare) show him pics of muffins for him to fall asleep https://t.co/xHZHHYUqYg

    — hamberger helpmeet (@madihamberger) February 20, 2024
    Twitter: @madihamberger

    24.

    Rival dad next door and his family are moving today. So I'm sitting out front judging his u-haul tetris stacking abilities and giving a disapproving groan when he does something wrong.

    — Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 23, 2024
    Twitter: @dadmann_walking

    25.

    The kids need bigger shoes, so we were snuggled up, browsing online. The 8-year-old turns, inches from my face, & asks, “ARE WE CONSUMERS?”
    I say yes, and he nods. They’ve talked about it at school. The 6-year-old pipes in and asks casually, “Does that word mean we eat people?”

    — Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) February 24, 2024
    Twitter: @Tobi_Is_Fab

    26.

    Watching an episode of Cocomelon where two kids are having a playdate and the two dads are riding a tandem bike together so wait a sec who’s really having the playdate here.

    — Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 20, 2024
    Twitter: @daddygofish

    27.

    When the kids are finally asleep and you get some me time pic.twitter.com/NJGM8IB3JE

    — meghan (@deloisivete) February 12, 2024
    Twitter: @deloisivete