25 Hilarious Parents Who Pulled Absolutely No Punches On Twitter
"Mid-tantrum, my 6-year-old paused to write MAMA and DADA, then crossed out both words. Shocked by his own cruelty, he crumpled the page muttering 'not nice of me.'" —@adremily
If you were wondering what to gift expecting parents next time you're invited to a shower, consider buying one of these gift cards for each of the four genders: her, him, baby, and online!!
Ah yes, the 4 genders
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) May 24, 2023
(I’m baby) pic.twitter.com/Y8nzRnlydy
And make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
1.
6yo: Momma, close your eyes! I have a surprise!
— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) May 24, 2023
Me: OK, but I don't want a naked butt in my face when I open them.
6yo: Nevermind.
2.
I was playing doctor with my kid and she prescribed me a potato
— Tada (@krystaunclear) May 22, 2023
3.
My kids have grown taller and they're just now discovering that the reason I've been getting them their snacks and drinks all these years was because they were too short to do it themselves, NOT because I'm their personal servant. They are not happy.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 20, 2023
4.
Psyched to see my kid’s presentation at school so I can check out all the projects the parents did.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 22, 2023
5.
Toddlers are the best people on earth, I went out to dinner at a diner with my 3yo and when we were done eating he asked the waiter if we had to do the dishes or if he was going to do it.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 21, 2023
6.
Life begins the day all the kids can put on their own sunscreen.
— Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38) May 24, 2023
7.
Nobody:
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) May 19, 2023
Nobody:
Absolutely nobody:
My kid: as soon as we get home I’m gonna get naked and look at my butt
8.
parents when you ask how their family vacation was pic.twitter.com/TvevxQOLfo
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) May 22, 2023
9.
My kid woke up, mumbled that she wasn’t asleep and was only resting her eyes, and then went back to sleep, and just like that she’s ready to be a dad
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) May 24, 2023
10.
9y/o: Oliver invited me to his bday party…I asked him what he wanted…he said a case of Prime.
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 24, 2023
Husband: A case of Prime? You mean, the energy drink?
9y/o: Yea…He likes Meta Moon.
Husband: Okie Dokie…
[under his breath] And now we know which friend’s gonna sell the good weed
11.
we paid for 13 to go to Dollywood with a friend all day yesterday and today he's thanking us by being a huge asshole.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 23, 2023
12.
My kid’s favorite little square hash browns were out of stock and now he has to eat slightly bigger square hash browns, so please respect our privacy during this difficult time
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 23, 2023
13.
Mid-tantrum, 6yo paused to write MAMA and DADA, then crossed out both words. Shocked by his own cruelty, he crumpled the page muttering “not nice of me.”
— Emily Adrian (@adremily) May 23, 2023
14.
My three year old just asked me “why do mamas cry sometimes” and like how much time does she have
— Sachi Ezura (@misstrionics) May 26, 2023
15.
I used to want my kids to be happy all the time, but then I discovered happy screaming is even louder than angry screaming and now I'm not so sure.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 23, 2023
16.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting should have a chapter warning you that you’re going to need a budget just for fruit
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) May 23, 2023
17.
[It’s our dog’s 12th bday]
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 24, 2023
My son: Happy birthday buddy! Oh man…We’re gonna let you sniff so many butts today!
18.
"There were two sides fighting. One side was nice and the other side was very mean. They almost killed Pablo Picasso."
— Becky Hammer (@beckyhammer) May 19, 2023
19.
“I’ll pretend I’m a really old mom. Like 24.” -a third grader at the park that just made a sworn enemy
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) May 23, 2023
20.
At the park and my son is playing soccer w/ a child named Kevin. I’ve never met a child named Kevin before. Kinda just thought Kevins only came in adult form…ya know like pigeons
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 22, 2023
21.
Did you breastfeed? Independent dairy owner and operator.
— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) May 23, 2023
Formula feed and wash a million bottles a day? Mixologist with food safety credentials.
22.
a zillion parenting books out there and not one about managing your cat’s jealousy over the new baby pic.twitter.com/Uq2dwC7yg2
— Michelle Cyca (@michellecyca) May 24, 2023
23.
I was on the phone with my parents and I brought up how I’m parenting differently than they did, so they became defensive saying “Well, look how well you turned out” and I heard my wife laughing all the way from Target.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 23, 2023
24.
i was upset with my 10 yo over something earlier and he said to me "you're just mad because you know you don't even have $5,000 dollars." i wasn't. but shit, now i am.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 23, 2023
25.
Half of parenting is just hoping they forget this idea before Christmas
— Matty (@bestestname) May 19, 2023
Don't miss last week's funniest tweets by parents:
20 Hilarious Viral Tweets By Parents That Made Me Lose My Entire, Everloving Mind This Week