If you've been in the workforce for more than a hot second, you probably know how terrible it feels to be reprimanded by your boss.
Which is why, when journalist and podcaster Tuck Woodstock recently asked his followers to share their wildest reasons for getting in trouble at work, Twitter delivered.
sorry to do prompt twitter, but what's the wildest reason you've ever gotten in trouble at work?
1. "This is my company and I call the shots around here. I also pour the shots (for minors)."
@tuckwoodstock Told a teen employee that they’d need to leave an event once the keg got rolled in, so we wouldn’t be serving beer around minors. Got bawled out by the founder of the company for telling a minor that there was an incoming keg that contained beer.
2. I simply refuse to believe that anticipating the presence of Elmer Fudd is a job requirement.
@tuckwoodstock Once, while working as a telecom field technician, was threatened by my customer's neighbor with a gun, and when i told this story to my boss to explain why i was stressed out, was scolded because i didn't anticipate i might get threatened with a shooting and wear an orange vest
3. OK but where's the lie?
Cuz I tweeted “If I was white I would be so embarrassed” lmao https://t.co/uPs3Qmr8fP
4. This job sounds pretty un-pallet-able.
@tuckwoodstock Got in trouble for creating a throne made out of wooden pallets at my old warehouse job. They called me the prince of pallets
5. This is QUITE the one-two punch.
@tuckwoodstock I got in very serious trouble for this tweet (as you know): https://t.co/wKIiogEsbJ
6. That awkward moment when you think the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire is something to aspire to as opposed to a cautionary tale.
@tuckwoodstock Funny how fast it got fixed, even though half the factory floor needed to be moved around a bit. My manager knew the problem and told me not to speak up in the meeting but fuck her, I'm not selling my coworkers safety to make her life a little easier.
7. If there's one thing bosses hate, it's when employees...do their job?
@tuckwoodstock i worked in pharmacy. an elderly lady with poor eyesight asked me to cut her pills in half for her (insurance made her take half a 40mg tab instead of a full 20mg tab). she’d already paid for them, so I split them for her. it took less than 2 minutes. my boss was FURIOUS.
8. How dare you solve problems and improve your output on my watch?!
I went behind my lead's back to get a tech problem solved because they refused to believe me when I said errors were slowing down my output. Turns out a setting was incorrect for the WHOLE TEAM of people- everyone had been dealing with it for WEEKS and I was the first to ask https://t.co/tiZka3YKDf
9. Someone should probably audit LA's "Meals On Wheels" program...
@tuckwoodstock I worked for the city of Los Angeles, we started cooking breakfast in the office! And I put my boss(head of the pension plan) in a suitcase and wheeled her around the building! I only got in trouble for cooking!
10. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
I put googly eyes on lots of things https://t.co/aQQAP4RB1o
11. Now, that's a crumby boss.
@tuckwoodstock i was working a graveyard in the bakery and fell asleep under the stairs after the machinery broke down and boss came in and thought i'd gone home and i woke up to hear him leaving a bitchy message on my voicemail about how i'd better get back there and finish up.
12. "Acquired" is doing roughly ten trillion tons of heavy lifting here...
@tuckwoodstock I got fired after being accused of “breaking” a 3ct diamond that was definitely a blood diamond from South Africa
13. As everyone knows, Michelle Obama is famous for her email etiquette.
I wrote an email with some font in bold (key words in a bulletpoint list of instructions). A mtg was called about fonts. My font choice was too aggressive, 1 of the recipients felt intimidated. I was then instructed to “think like Michelle Obama” before I write future emails. https://t.co/R6j31OepNx
14. The first rule of political assassinations is: you do not talk about political assassinations.
Every so often someone needs to quietly tell me to stop calling for political assassinations on the twitch stream https://t.co/CQk8XZeyrR
15. I thought George Costanza already solved the whole "should we converse in the shared work bathroom" question.
@tuckwoodstock Asked to apologize to someone because they were offended I did not talk to them… while I was in the bathroom. They were also in the bathroom. Inter-stall convo is weird and should be shamed. I’m not sorry.
16. OK that's it!!! All the sickos have to use a separate work bathroom, where they can talk and listen to their hearts' content.
@tuckwoodstock My boss heard me through the bathroom door taking two paper towels from the automatic paper towel dispenser (working at a restaurant)
Let the rest of us try to hold in our farts in peace!!!!!
17. To err is human; to forgive is unheard of in retail.
@tuckwoodstock It's a tie between ❌️ Sitting on the floor to stock a floor-level shelf. And ❌️ Wearing the same style of skirt (and tights) as my coworkers, but having a bigger butt while doing so. God, do I NOT miss retail.
18. In a sea of regular receipts, be a unicorn.
When I was a server, I drew a whimsical unicorn on a table's receipt, and the couple left me a nice tip. One of the other servers complained, so the GM had to tell me to stop drawing unicorns on customer's bills. I obviously continued to rebel. https://t.co/EyGkgWlMy7
19. Employers insist they want out-of-the-box thinking until they catch you pulling a Bugs Bunny in the walk-in.
@tuckwoodstock I got busted in the walk-in freezer for smoking weed out of a carrot that I had fashioned into a pipe.
20. Have we considered the possibility that whomever wrote you up had just read Are You My Mother? for the first time?
@tuckwoodstock I let a student call me Ma, and that was inappropriate because it “confused them about appropriate familial ties”. I was literally written up.
21. How dare you do the thing you told us you'd be doing in twice the time we didn't know you were doing it?
@tuckwoodstock I was on a 2 month medical leave & halfway through they called me to demand to know why I hadn’t come in for two weeks… like first of all, it’s been 4 🤣
22. Never say you're "shooting the shit," or your boss will barge in on you in the bathroom to demand you hand over your rifle.
@tuckwoodstock Boss: Someone told me you were sleeping at your desk. Me: What‽💡Oh—someone must have taken me literally when I said, "I'm asleep at my desk," & then got some caffeine. B: So you're calling your coworker a liar. Me: No. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. B: You're lying.
23. Capitalism! Is! A! Disease!
@tuckwoodstock i called back a few minutes later to tell him the power went out because the mall was on fire. and he told me to wait to see if the fire department was going to let people back in. i laughed and said i already sent my associates home and was gonna go home too.
24. Call Poirot! We've got a real mystery on our hands.
@tuckwoodstock Got yelled at for leaving work on time on my wedding anniversary instead of staying late hours again to do someone else’s unfinished work. And that NGO couldn’t figure out why employees left to work elsewhere.
25. Thank you for your service. 🙏
@tuckwoodstock Summer job in college landscaping a new amusement park. One Friday they told us they couldn’t make payroll. Most of us worked paycheck to paycheck. I got about about 80% of workers to stop work. We got paid. A week later I got fired. Received hero treatment at my college.
26. And finally, modern society is always just one to two stubborn world leaders away from total self-annihilation.
@tuckwoodstock I was a software engineer on a government contract. In a requirements meeting, I noted a newly requested feature might be problematic. See, it violated an agreement with multiple other countries. The PM was big mad that I didn't want to create an international incident.
Tuck's Twitter thread is just part of a larger trend of employees speaking up about toxic work environments. Clearly, we still have a long road ahead of us before all employees are guaranteed a safe, understanding work environment.
Now go follow everyone from this list on Twitter or you'll get in trouble with the boss (me).
H/T: @tuckwoodstock