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17 Hottest Dudes From History

Dead babes we'd bang.

17. John Wilkes Booth

John Wilkes Booth is best known for killing President Abraham Lincoln, and killing it in the fashion stakes.

16. Anton Chekhov

This sexy Russian playwright and author was also a practising doctor. He once said "Medicine is my lawful wife and literature is my mistress." You've never wished you were literature until now.

15. Johannes Brahms

Brahms was once described by another composer's wife as "one of those who comes straight from God". Sure, she was talking about his music, but we know what she really meant. Extra swagger points for the crossed arms pose.

14. Friedrich Engels

Engels co-wrote The Communist Manifesto with Karl Marx, which was only slightly more successful than his other book, The Necktie Manifesto.

13. Grigori Rasputin

So he's not the best to look at. But the Russian mystic/sex maniac/weirdo priest enchanted the Romanovs, banged heaps of ladies and his hypnotic "phosphorescent" eyes were legendary. Also, dat peen.

12. Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi led the Indian independence movement using non-violent civil disobedience, although I can't imagine anyone ever disobeying that face. Also, he had so many great quotes he would have slayed on Twitter today.

11. Jack Johnson

The first African American world heavyweight boxing champion really was a knock-out.

10. Che Guevara

Che, like all men, is so much hotter when he's not wearing a douchey hat. Here he is aged 22, scowling at the thought of being trapped on idiotic tshirts for all eternity.

9. Tenzing Norgay

When Tenzing Norgay says "This is my Everest" he doesn't even mean Mount Everest coz he scaled that shit in 1953. And he did it with a smile on his face that gives Hot Marathon Guy a run for his money.

8. Malcolm X

More like Malcolm XXX amirite?

7. Ned Kelly

What's impressive about Australia's original bad boy is that this photo was taken the day before his execution and his hair game is still on point.

6. Thomas Edison

When Thomas Edison had his "light bulb moment" he literally invented the light bulb. Here he is chilling with a phonograph he just whipped up for you.

5. Nikola Tesla

Nikola Tesla's work contributed to the invention of modern electricity using alternating currents. He used the same technique to seduce women, using alternating currents of gazing deep into their eyes and twirling that moustache.

4. Toshiro Mifune

Toho Co., Ltd.

This Japanese actor collaborated with filmmaker Akira Kurosawa in films like Rashomon, Seven Samurai, and Throne of Blood. But when he wasn't being a kick-arse samurai he was sipping tea in a turtleneck and flicking dark strands of hair out of his eyes.

3. Hermann Rorshach

The Swiss psychiatrist totally has that squinty-hot Ryan Gosling thing going on. No wonder his patients kept seeing sexy shapes in those Rorshach inkblot tests.

2. Joseph Stalin

That tousled thick hair, the scarf/coat combo, the beard. It's all good. Except for the whole being a murderous dictator thing, but this photo was taken before all that.

1. Jack Kerouac

Library of America

Here is a poem dedicated to Jack Kerouac, one of the founders of the Beat Generation.


The Curl on your brow—

Half-lit by sun

Gingham clad

You're number one—

On my list

of Dead Dudes

I'd Totally—