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14 Things That Have Different Meanings When You're Left-Handed

Haters to the right.

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1. "Scissors"

NBC / Via big.assets.huffingtonpost.com

What it usually means: A tool used for cutting or for brandishing at smaller siblings.

What it means to lefties: An ancient torture device that sometimes leaves you hacking at a piece of paper because no one can ever find that one pair of left-handed scissors that's floating somewhere in the universe.

2. "Can Opener"

What is usually means: A tool used for opening the can of tuna that's been at the back of your pantry since 2002.

What it means to lefties: An instrument of death that makes you shift into a series of angles that human bodies are not made to withstand.

3. "First Day of School"

Ethan S. H. Fried / Via thecrimson.com

What it usually means: A fresh start! Knowledge! The opportunity for an undercover cop to pose as a fresh2death millennial and allow hijinks to ensue!

What it means to lefties: Quickly scanning the classroom to grab the one left-handed desk, if there even is one. Otherwise, it means looking forward to a year of performing unnatural and possibly illegal contortions in order to write.

4. "Dinner Party"

ESPN / Via cdn.rsvlts.com

What it usually means: A gathering where friends and/or family partake in food and tedious small talk until someone gets drunk and starts talking about moon landing conspiracy theories.

What it means to lefties: A brutal battle where no elbow emerges unscathed.

5. "Binder"

What it usually means: A place to keep your papers and thoughts organized until the snaps come apart and everything goes flying to the floor.

What it means to lefties: A tool forged in hell to annoy you as you attempt to write.

6. "Writing"

Indi Samarajiva / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: indi

What it usually means: Committing words to a page using a writing utensil. Retro texting.

What it means to lefties: Smearing ink or lead across the side of one's hand because life is not fair and no one is looking out for you and nothing matters.

7. "SmudgeGuard"

SmudgeGuard.com / Via s3files.core77.com

What it usually means: An open glove meant to prevent lefties' hands from being stained as they write. A toe shoe for your hand.

What it means to lefties: A hand garment created by the Righty Industrial Complex to make us look foolish.

8. "Cooking"

What it usually means: Preparing food when you should have just ordered pizza.

What it means to lefties: Wrestling with a saucepan that has a lip on the wrong side so that you end up sloshing half your cooking liquid all over the counter like some moron in a late-night infomercial. Although thank goodness for these things.

9. "Mug"

Via instagram.com

What it usually means: A vessel from which to sip the blood of your enemies.

What it means to lefties: A vessel from which to sip the blood of our right-handed oppressors on which cute little novelty slogans are usually printed so that we cannot see them as we imbibe.

10. "Baseball"

MLB / Via buzzfeed.com

What is usually means: A sport that involves throwing a ball and running while wearing pajamas.

What it means to lefties: Gingerly placing your hand into the one lefty glove, if you can even find it, that smells like it is haunted by the ghosts of a million farts.

12. "Gun"

20th Century Fox / Summit Entertainment / Via tumblr.com

What it usually means: A weapon used in hunting, law enforcement, straight-up murder, firing paintballs at frenemies, or any combination of these.

What it means to lefties: A potentially bad idea.

13. "Video Game"

Parlophone/EMI, Virgin/EMI, Warner Bros. Records / Via tumblr.com

What it usually means: A way to unwind and have fun, usually while murdering pixelated people and/or demons.

What it means to lefties: Using a controller that acts as a constant reminder of the Righty Industrial Complex's vendetta against its superior left-handed brethren.

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