25 Funny Tweets From The Week Because Nothing Really Matters And We're All Just Floating On A Big Ol' Rock
"Upstairs neighbors be like omgggg I almost forgot to break my furniture and throw 100 marbles on the ground today." —@amishestrogen
Good morning/afternoon/evening wherever you are! Last weekend was St. Patrick's Day, and I can't stop thinking about this:
I laugh at this every year pic.twitter.com/fA2hlRaTHa
— juli (@juhlissuhh) March 15, 2024
There were plenty more funny tweets last week (including many speculating on Kate Middleton's "disappearance"). So, let's get riiiight into 'em all:
1.
when I was 12 or so my babysitter would always talk about this girl she used to babysit—how cool she was, how much she missed her—and it made me hate this girl out of pure childish jealously bc I wanted my babysitter to think *I* was cool. the other girl was Emma Stone however
— Becca (@bexual_healing) March 11, 2024
2.
I could never be a movie critic because almost every time I see a movie I’m like “yeah that was fun” and it’s usually because I got popcorn and a big soda
— sarah (@sablaah) March 15, 2024
3.
upstairs neighbors be like omgggg i almost forgot to break my furniture and throw 100 marbles on the ground today😫
— HP (@amishestrogen) March 15, 2024
4.
Corn never wanted to be all of this https://t.co/CzHd2vKo1x
— Malik EL.⁉️ (@maliktheoracle) March 14, 2024
5.
LMFAOOOO pic.twitter.com/u4K3gDib58
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) March 15, 2024
6.
♡ POVERTY ♡ https://t.co/Jv79xoX70t
— 🇨🇩🇵🇸homovanillic (@elethelibra) March 11, 2024
7.
rent isn’t free, putting him to work pic.twitter.com/kO8cmbIDZW
— Punch Cat (@PunchingCat) March 12, 2024
9.
whenever I meet a mean girl in 2024 I’m like DAMN. I didn’t even know they made these anymore
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 12, 2024
10.
what if chatgpt is just one guy who can type really fast
— ugh (@ughfinewhatever) March 13, 2024
11.
if you’re on a boeing flight it’s not cringe anymore to clap when the plane lands.
— ally (@missmayn) March 16, 2024
12.
it’s sickening how the british force their children to do the accent too
— Brady (@pebbut) March 15, 2024
13.
Female internet investigators uncovering that the Kate Middleton picture was actually taken in late 2023 based on the matched ribbing on Kate Middleton’s sweater (which is only sold in two colors -white and cream) and therefore Kate’s black sweater was photoshopped. pic.twitter.com/btCjRUBHwq
— Maggie (@LibertyAnders) March 11, 2024
14.
Look, I’m no detective - but if I was trying to find a missing middle-aged rich lady who was tired of her shitty husband, I’d at least *ask* Pete Davidson.
— Eliza Skinner #wgastrong (@elizaskinner) March 16, 2024
15.
WE FOUND HER! pic.twitter.com/OfUkAQ6qg3
— Hannah Posts (@HannahPosted) March 16, 2024
16.
ok thumbelina pic.twitter.com/mDpZi2mMqZ
— Jenna (@jennawexler) March 17, 2024
17.
supernanny when a child calls their mother a cunt https://t.co/oG6Mw3EGKG
— rin ☾⋆⁺₊⋆🇵🇸 (@rinnystarr) March 12, 2024
18.
it is so embarrassing when u hold a baby and they immediately start crying like omg is my vibe totally fucked, be honest with me
— ★ (@fuitsnack) March 16, 2024
19.
idk. that's just not true. i literally birthed him. https://t.co/V4Nu8Fudi4 pic.twitter.com/agWyTzoKxb
— dae✨ (@loveedaee) March 12, 2024
20.
Y’all my daughter gave my very strict guidelines on how I can show up to school on her birthday. PLEASE HELP ME !!!!! pic.twitter.com/QXA6tNu23r
— and curl the wig (@pollygotsole) March 14, 2024
21.
me googling the number that called me instead of answering it like an adult: pic.twitter.com/jGISBIZ309
— ☔ (@Whotfismick) March 16, 2024
22.
Did you sleep well?
— No Context Cats (@nocontextscats) March 18, 2024
Me: pic.twitter.com/zFZV0XWCmY
23.
me trying to get out of my own head pic.twitter.com/CKSc7ydeho
— iris ❤︎ ‧₊˚ (@irisdelany) March 17, 2024
24.
Job sent out a rejection email 10 seconds after the interview call ended, never been this gagged before pic.twitter.com/uAuwKOyVbx
— Chuu 3 (@Chuu4Lenin) March 13, 2024
25.
me rewatching my ig story after someone likes it pic.twitter.com/v3syoXWQkF
— shy (@shydgaf_) March 12, 2024
Don't forget to shoot these creators a follow for more funny tweets! And if you're looking for more curated laughs, feel free to scroll through our recent roundups:
Recline Your Chair Back Because I've Got 29 Funny Tweets Curated *Just* For You