25 Funny Tweets From The Week Because Nothing Really Matters And We're All Just Floating On A Big Ol' Rock

    "Upstairs neighbors be like omgggg I almost forgot to break my furniture and throw 100 marbles on the ground today." —@amishestrogen

    Good morning/afternoon/evening wherever you are! Last weekend was St. Patrick's Day, and I can't stop thinking about this:

    I laugh at this every year pic.twitter.com/fA2hlRaTHa

    — juli (@juhlissuhh) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @juhlissuhh

    There were plenty more funny tweets last week (including many speculating on Kate Middleton's "disappearance"). So, let's get riiiight into 'em all:

    1.

    when I was 12 or so my babysitter would always talk about this girl she used to babysit—how cool she was, how much she missed her—and it made me hate this girl out of pure childish jealously bc I wanted my babysitter to think *I* was cool. the other girl was Emma Stone however

    — Becca (@bexual_healing) March 11, 2024
    Twitter: @bexual_healing

    2.

    I could never be a movie critic because almost every time I see a movie I’m like “yeah that was fun” and it’s usually because I got popcorn and a big soda

    — sarah (@sablaah) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @sablaah

    3.

    upstairs neighbors be like omgggg i almost forgot to break my furniture and throw 100 marbles on the ground today😫

    — HP (@amishestrogen) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @amishestrogen

    4.

    Corn never wanted to be all of this https://t.co/CzHd2vKo1x

    — Malik EL.⁉️ (@maliktheoracle) March 14, 2024
    Twitter: @maliktheoracle

    5.

    LMFAOOOO pic.twitter.com/u4K3gDib58

    — kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @kirawontmiss

    6.

    ♡ POVERTY ♡ https://t.co/Jv79xoX70t

    — 🇨🇩🇵🇸homovanillic (@elethelibra) March 11, 2024
    Twitter: @elethelibra

    7.

    rent isn’t free, putting him to work pic.twitter.com/kO8cmbIDZW

    — Punch Cat (@PunchingCat) March 12, 2024
    Twitter: @PunchingCat

    8.

    yall… pic.twitter.com/YxfS86TMnH

    — ✫silver✫ (@r0ttensilver) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @r0ttensilver

    9.

    whenever I meet a mean girl in 2024 I’m like DAMN. I didn’t even know they made these anymore

    — ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 12, 2024
    Twitter: @ElyKreimendahl

    10.

    what if chatgpt is just one guy who can type really fast

    — ugh (@ughfinewhatever) March 13, 2024
    Twitter: @ughfinewhatever

    11.

    if you’re on a boeing flight it’s not cringe anymore to clap when the plane lands.

    — ally (@missmayn) March 16, 2024
    Twitter: @missmayn

    12.

    it’s sickening how the british force their children to do the accent too

    — Brady (@pebbut) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @pebbut

    13.

    Female internet investigators uncovering that the Kate Middleton picture was actually taken in late 2023 based on the matched ribbing on Kate Middleton’s sweater (which is only sold in two colors -white and cream) and therefore Kate’s black sweater was photoshopped. pic.twitter.com/btCjRUBHwq

    — Maggie (@LibertyAnders) March 11, 2024
    Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 20th Century Studios / Via Twitter: @LibertyAnders

    14.

    Look, I’m no detective - but if I was trying to find a missing middle-aged rich lady who was tired of her shitty husband, I’d at least *ask* Pete Davidson.

    — Eliza Skinner #wgastrong (@elizaskinner) March 16, 2024
    Twitter: @elizaskinner

    15.

    WE FOUND HER! pic.twitter.com/OfUkAQ6qg3

    — Hannah Posts (@HannahPosted) March 16, 2024
    Twitter: @HannahPosted

    16.

    ok thumbelina pic.twitter.com/mDpZi2mMqZ

    — Jenna (@jennawexler) March 17, 2024
    Photo by MEGA/GC Images / Via Twitter: @jennawexler

    17.

    supernanny when a child calls their mother a cunt https://t.co/oG6Mw3EGKG

    — rin ☾⋆⁺₊⋆🇵🇸 (@rinnystarr) March 12, 2024
    Arturo Holmes/Getty Images

    18.

    it is so embarrassing when u hold a baby and they immediately start crying like omg is my vibe totally fucked, be honest with me

    — ★ (@fuitsnack) March 16, 2024
    Twitter: @fuitsnack

    19.

    idk. that's just not true. i literally birthed him. https://t.co/V4Nu8Fudi4 pic.twitter.com/agWyTzoKxb

    — dae✨ (@loveedaee) March 12, 2024
    Twitter: @loveedaee