25 Funny Tweets From The Week Because Nothing Really Matters And We're All Just Floating On A Big Ol' Rock

    "Upstairs neighbors be like omgggg I almost forgot to break my furniture and throw 100 marbles on the ground today." —@amishestrogen

    Good morning/afternoon/evening wherever you are! Last weekend was St. Patrick's Day, and I can't stop thinking about this:

    I laugh at this every year pic.twitter.com/fA2hlRaTHa

    — juli (@juhlissuhh) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @juhlissuhh

    There were plenty more funny tweets last week (including many speculating on Kate Middleton's "disappearance"). So, let's get riiiight into 'em all:


    when I was 12 or so my babysitter would always talk about this girl she used to babysit—how cool she was, how much she missed her—and it made me hate this girl out of pure childish jealously bc I wanted my babysitter to think *I* was cool. the other girl was Emma Stone however

    — Becca (@bexual_healing) March 11, 2024
    Twitter: @bexual_healing


    I could never be a movie critic because almost every time I see a movie I’m like “yeah that was fun” and it’s usually because I got popcorn and a big soda

    — sarah (@sablaah) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @sablaah


    upstairs neighbors be like omgggg i almost forgot to break my furniture and throw 100 marbles on the ground today😫

    — HP (@amishestrogen) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @amishestrogen


    Corn never wanted to be all of this https://t.co/CzHd2vKo1x

    — Malik EL.⁉️ (@maliktheoracle) March 14, 2024
    Twitter: @maliktheoracle


    LMFAOOOO pic.twitter.com/u4K3gDib58

    — kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @kirawontmiss


    ♡ POVERTY ♡ https://t.co/Jv79xoX70t

    — 🇨🇩🇵🇸homovanillic (@elethelibra) March 11, 2024
    Twitter: @elethelibra


    rent isn’t free, putting him to work pic.twitter.com/kO8cmbIDZW

    — Punch Cat (@PunchingCat) March 12, 2024
    Twitter: @PunchingCat


    yall… pic.twitter.com/YxfS86TMnH

    — ✫silver✫ (@r0ttensilver) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @r0ttensilver


    whenever I meet a mean girl in 2024 I’m like DAMN. I didn’t even know they made these anymore

    — ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 12, 2024
    Twitter: @ElyKreimendahl


    what if chatgpt is just one guy who can type really fast

    — ugh (@ughfinewhatever) March 13, 2024
    Twitter: @ughfinewhatever


    if you’re on a boeing flight it’s not cringe anymore to clap when the plane lands.

    — ally (@missmayn) March 16, 2024
    Twitter: @missmayn


    it’s sickening how the british force their children to do the accent too

    — Brady (@pebbut) March 15, 2024
    Twitter: @pebbut


    Female internet investigators uncovering that the Kate Middleton picture was actually taken in late 2023 based on the matched ribbing on Kate Middleton’s sweater (which is only sold in two colors -white and cream) and therefore Kate’s black sweater was photoshopped. pic.twitter.com/btCjRUBHwq

    — Maggie (@LibertyAnders) March 11, 2024
    Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 20th Century Studios / Via Twitter: @LibertyAnders


    Look, I’m no detective - but if I was trying to find a missing middle-aged rich lady who was tired of her shitty husband, I’d at least *ask* Pete Davidson.

    — Eliza Skinner #wgastrong (@elizaskinner) March 16, 2024
    Twitter: @elizaskinner


    WE FOUND HER! pic.twitter.com/OfUkAQ6qg3

    — Hannah Posts (@HannahPosted) March 16, 2024
    Twitter: @HannahPosted


    ok thumbelina pic.twitter.com/mDpZi2mMqZ

    — Jenna (@jennawexler) March 17, 2024
    Photo by MEGA/GC Images / Via Twitter: @jennawexler


    supernanny when a child calls their mother a cunt https://t.co/oG6Mw3EGKG

    — rin ☾⋆⁺₊⋆🇵🇸 (@rinnystarr) March 12, 2024
    Arturo Holmes/Getty Images


    it is so embarrassing when u hold a baby and they immediately start crying like omg is my vibe totally fucked, be honest with me

    — ★ (@fuitsnack) March 16, 2024
    Twitter: @fuitsnack


    idk. that's just not true. i literally birthed him. https://t.co/V4Nu8Fudi4 pic.twitter.com/agWyTzoKxb

    — dae✨ (@loveedaee) March 12, 2024
    Twitter: @loveedaee