In 2009, an unfinished full-length copy of X-Men Origins: Wolverine leaked to the internet. There was studio outcry. The FBI was involved, the leaker sentenced to jail-time.
Despite that, it seems like I was one of very few people who watched the infamous leak (in addition to the original).
A friend brought it over, blissfully unaware of the gem he posessed. I, too, was not ready.
The movie proceeds as normal for the first fifteen minutes or so. And then this happens.
It's not just airplanes. This is what Wolverine looked like in the theatrical release.
And here he is from the work cut.
The realization quickly dawns on you that to watch a movie is to watch floating grey putty in a tube of more grey.
Stale grey donuts on an overcast afternoon.
Lil' Play-Doh sculptures swimming in an ocean of negative space.
Sometimes, the grey goo enjoys a fancy night out and slips into it's fav purple dress.
BUT NO. GREY IS TRUTH. GREY IS ABSOLUTION.
Watching this cut will be one of the most purely joyful movie experiences of your life.
The veil will be lifted.
The puppeting wires cut.
Your body and mind will relax.
You'll realize that making a movie is just like scribbling a bunch of crayons on a million-dollar canvas.
You will no longer waste energy distinguishing between fact and reality.
EMBRACE IT.
decapitate.exe
Lasers.
LAZERS.
We are all decapitated, crayola-eyes cyborg-steel Deadpool.
The X-Men Origins: Wolverine workcut is the truest movie ever made.
