A Definitive Ranking Of The Eurovision Semi-Finalists, Based On Glitter

Don’t be bitter, glitter.

Note: Denmark, France, Germany, Italy; Spain and the UK are not included in this ranking, as they qualified prior to the semi-finals.

20. Hungary, András Kállay-Saunders.

Thomas Hanses / EBU

A plain black t-shirt and jeans? For Eurovision? Shame on you, András.

19. Malta, Firelight.

Ragnar Singsaas / Getty

Jazzy instrument, not so jazzy outfit.

18. Norway, Carl Epsen.

Ragnar Singsaas / Getty

YAWN.

17. Iceland, Pollapönk.

Sander Hesterman / EBU

Don’t get us wrong, these are fantastic suits. They’re just not glittery enough.

16. Belarus, Teo.

Ragnar Singsaas / Getty

Strong quantity of beard. Weak quantity of glitter.

15. San Marino, Valentine Monetta.

Ragnar Singsaas / Getty

WHERE IS THE GLITTER? WHERE? WHERE? WHERE?

14. Greece, Freaky Fortune feat. Riskykidd.

Sander Hesterman / EBU

It looks nice. It just doesn’t sparkle.

13. The Netherlands, The Common Linnets.

Thomas Hanses / EBU

I see a glittery band on a hat in the background. That counts, right?

12. Azerbaijan, Dilara Kazimova.

Sander Hesterman / EBU

I spy, with my little eye, a little bit of glitter on the top of this dress when the light hits it right. That’ll do.

11. Ukraine, Mariya Yaremchuk.

Sander Hesterman / EBU

Such a Nicole Scherzinger lookalike! Passable levels of glitter.

10. Montenegro, Sergej Cetkovic.

Thomas Hanses / EBU

Despite wearing no glitter, Sergej redeems himself by incorporating a glitzy dancer into his routine.

9. Switzerland, Sebalter.

Sander Hesterman / EBU

Glittery drum!

8. Russia, Tolmachevy Twins.

Sander Hesterman / EBU

Two girl in matching outfits holding a glittery stick. SO GOOD.

7. Poland, Donatan & Cleo.

Andres Putting / EBU

Glittery and traditional. Just excellent.

6. Armenia, Aram MP3.

Ragnar Singsaas / Getty

A glittery strip down the centre of a long coat. So sophisticated. So glam. So Eurovision.

5. Sweden, Sanne Nielsen.

Sander Hesterman / EBU

A low-cut dress with sheer sleeves and a glittery section on the chest? Incredible work.

4. Finland, Softengine.

Ragnar Singsaas / Getty

Just perfect.

3. Slovenia, Tinkara Kovač.

Ragnar Singsaas / Getty

A fully excellent dress.

2. Romania, Paula and Ovi.

Ragnar Singsaas / Getty

One out of two of these people is wearing glitter. And that’s great.

1. Austria, Conchita Wurst.

Andres Putting / EBU

Extraordinary levels of glitter.

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