1. That you're enjoying that unpaid internship.
2. That your social media skills will be used to displace us in a bloodless but implacable coup.
3. That your rooms contain no books, CDs or photos.
4. That you're entirely hairless below the neck, like a Tolkien elf.
5. That you're using Snapchat for, you know, that.
6. That you have no more idea who these people are...
7. Than we do of who these people are.
We believe this is a tragedy, for you.
8. That your beards are somehow mocking us.
9. That you know how to tie a bow tie.
10. That you find our dancing indistinguishable from our own dads’ dancing.
11. That you know how computers work.
12. That you love Sherlock.
13. That you get new phones more often than new shoes.
Which is kind of you, because how else would we get new tech tested while we spend two years deciding if we need it?
14. That you take your phones to bed with you.
15. That when you sit round a pub table poking at those phones, you do so with an aching generational ennui, beset by a tide of paranoia that rises slowly but never, ever recedes.
(Our mistake. Carry on).
16. That you’d rather do that than vote.
17. That you’ve got a ton of horrible shit to deal with.
