Simon – Low pain threshold.
Dave – Draws penises on things.
David – Too snooty to be a Dave.
Jonathan – Takes piano lessons.
Pete – Owns electrical tape.
Peter – Collects dull things.
Luke – Narrows his eyes in photos.
Bob – Is aggressively friendly.
Andy – Talks about software.
Dan – Listens to reggae.
Ben – Cries.
Jack – Pops his collars.
Gav – Hits friends in the balls.
Stu – Finishes people’s drinks.
Darren – Shares farts.
Marcus – Never smiles.
Tim – Wears flip-flops in the supermarket.
Josh – Gels hair upwards.
Jake – Keeps taking shirt off.
Rob – Is already drunk when you get there.
Declan – Wants you to see his penis.
Charlie – Maudlin when drunk.
Tom – Gay when drunk.
Alex – Takes post-workout selfies.
Tyler – Wears Ray-Bans indoors.
Graham – Talks about cricket.
Terry – Ought to have a moustache.
Seb – Has unpleasant girlfriend.
Mike – Rides a fixie.
Nick – Stands around with balls dangling out.
Mark – Corrects grammar.
Brian – Has a caravan.
Alan – Is boring about vinyl.
Ed – Is boring about wine.
Sam – Is boring about weed.
Tony – Talks to girls’ chests.
Rory – Exercises in a headband.
Gareth – Plays World Of Warcraft.
Liam – Plays with his nuts.
Dom – Thinks he’s so awesome.
Zac – Gives unwanted massages.
Nigel – Has sensible shoes.
Will – Has technical trainers.
Doug – Has a fleece.
Giles – Has a Rolex.
Jez – Has a tribal tattoo.
Shane – Has a pornographic tattoo.
Wayne – Has a racist tattoo.
Guy – Had a gap year.
Miles – Insists on going to Shake Shack.
Adam – Constantly quotes The Simpsons.
Steve – Plays air guitar at gigs.
Greg – Tells you how far he ran.
Rupert – Tells you what your house is worth.
Chris – Tweets about commute.
Neil – Instagrams about lunch.
Craig – Ostentatiously drinks two litres of water a day.
Gerard – Has coffee breath.
Toby – Is going to crowdsurf in a minute.
Henry – Carries baby in papoose.
Jim – Keeps forwarding spam.
Hugo – Speaks to waiters in French.
Scott – Drinks fruit tea.
Alfie – Wears thin scarf.
Gary – Fist pumps after business calls.
Justin – Wears a headset.
Rick – Stands too close at urinals.
Callum – Thumps chest when angry.
Olly – Enjoyed the Twilight films.
Brandon – Is competitive at frisbee.
Max – Is the one who’s stealing from the fridge.
- Officials released new footage proving Sandra Bland was "alive and well" when her mugshot was taken. The release aims to counter social media rumors that she was deceased in the photo.
- The U.S. will release Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard after 30 years. The move isn't tied to the Iran nuclear deal, American officials say.
- The NFL has upheld Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his alleged involvement with the deflation of footballs 🏈