A Definitive Ranking Of The Crappy Things That Have Happened To Sansa Stark

Her bad luck is Sansa-tional.

19. That time she married Tyrion which, to be fair, was delightfully murder-free by Westeros’ standards.


Sansa Suck Score: 1. In four seasons, this is probably the ONE not shitty thing that has happened to her. ~ OH FUCKING WELL ~

ID: 3041505

18. That time Aunt “Crazy Pills” Lysa interrogated her over hitting it with Littlefinger.


Sansa Suck Score: 2. In Lysa’s defense, she DID offer Sansa a lemon cake.

ID: 3042729

17. That time she had to deal with Arya’s bullshit.


Sansa Suck Score: 2.5, because nowadays Arya is stabbing people to death with a small sword. Sansa was lucky she just had food flung at her.

ID: 3041650

16. That time Littlefinger casually murdered the jester who just saved her life.

Sansa Suck Score: 3. Sansa was only aboard S.S. Murder for a bit.

ID: 3042190

15. That time her pet direwolf, Lady, was executed. By her father. #GoodTimes


Sansa Suck Score: 3.5. Let’s be honest, Sansa was never meant to own a pet. OK, maybe a goldfish. And it could live in a bowl filled with Sansa’s tears.

ID: 3041710

14. Being betrothed to King Incest Baby Douchebag himself, Joffrey Baratheon.


Sansa Suck Score: 4. When you’re Sansa, S.O. doesn’t just stand for significant other, but also shithole offspring.

ID: 3041900

13. That time Cersei was her future mother-in-law and really turned on the crazy during the Battle of the Blackwater. #RedWineFunTimes


Sansa Suck Score: 4.5. Cersei is the craziest chick alive in Westeros, so when she’s not sleeping with her brother, she’s usually plotting someone’s death.

ID: 3042144

12. That time she got shamed by Douche Commander Joffrey in front of the entire throne room after nearly being raped.


Sansa Suck Score: 4.5. Positive: The Hound saved her from a near rape. Downside: The Asshole-in-Chief continued to be a total dick.

ID: 3042112

11. That time she had to sit through Joffrey’s wedding to Margaery. #NotBlessed


Sansa Suck Score: 5. Weddings: where you can see the amateur Broadway performance of your family’s death!

ID: 3042026

10. That time that she was kidnapped and blamed for the murder of Joffrey.


Sansa Suck Score: 5. Getting kidnapped and blamed for the murder of Westeros’ answer to Justin Bieber is a small price to pay for ending the Purple Wedding early (hehe).

ID: 3042058

9. That time she had this fucking hairdo. #BadHairDay

Sansa Suck Score: 5.5. Because they happen to all of us. But never this bad.

ID: 3041557

8. That time Littlefinger went for it and stuck his littletongue in Sansa’s littlemouth.

Sansa Suck Score: 6. EW EW EW EW EW EW EW NO.

ID: 3041391

7. That time she was so unlucky, even her jewelry was capable of murdering someone. Granted, it was her asshat of an ex-fiance, but still.


Sansa Suck Score: 6.5. If Sansa had a rap name, it would be Death Chainz.

ID: 3041977

6. That time she was nearly thrown through the Moon Door by Loony Lysa, her own damn aunt.

Sansa Suck Score: 7. Nice knowing that most of your family is dead, and some of those who are alive want to kill you.

ID: 3041781

5. Witnessing her father’s execution. Fun times with the Starks!


Sansa Suck Score: 7.5. Quaint times in Westeros, these were.

ID: 3041260

4. That time she had to hear her aunt’s wedding night sex screams from next door.


Sansa Suck Score: 8. Why count sheep when you can count “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”s?

ID: 3041747

3. That time little dirtbag breast milk connoisseur Robin kicked over her snow castle.




Sansa Suck Score: 8.5. By now, Sansa has learned to hit back — lit’rally AND figuratively. Watch out, Lannisters! She’s ready to pay some fucking debts.

ID: 3041316

2. That time she was forced to see her father’s head on a stake.


Sansa Suck Score: 9. She got the point.

ID: 3041623

1. But worst of all, any day she doesn’t get a fucking lemon cake.



Sansa Suck Score: 10. Life has given Sansa a ton of lemons. The least it can do is make a few of those into lemon cakes.

ID: 3041422

So before you start complaining about how your day is going, remind yourself that it can’t possibly be as bad as Sansa’s.


ID: 3042829

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