This Is What Happens When You Try To Make A Pumpkin Spice Latte From Scratch

Spoiler alert: It gets VERY messy.

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In the spirit of fall, pumpkins, and the sacred elixir of basic white girls everywhere, BuzzFeed decided to challenge some of its writers to the first-ever Pumpkin Spice Latte Challenge. Because everyone knows nothing says "fall" quite like a sugary-sweet, diabetes-inducing limited-edition beverage that masquerades as "coffee."

After all, regardless of whether or not you actually like PSLs, does anyone really know WHAT the hell is even in one of those things? Well, we were about to find out. Here is what happened...

THE RULES:

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Our six contestants were given 15 minutes to concoct their own interpretation of the Pumpkin Spice Latte with a designated set of ingredients (originally 12, but they whined/complained enough that we decided to give them the extra three). They were allowed to venture to our office kitchen to brew coffee and get hot water, but were not allowed to bring in outside ingredients. Their PSLs could be made either hot or iced and were judged on four factors: drinkability, appearance, creativity, and basicness. Some of the ingredients were "decoys" meant to trick the contestants. The ingredients were as follows:

Whipped cream, vanilla, sugar, brown sugar, maple agave syrup, ground pumpkin coffee, espresso powder, skim milk, caramel sauce, heavy cream, almond milk, graham crackers, nutmeg, cinnamon, ice, canned pumpkin, marshmallows.

Fifteen minutes on the clock... AND AWAY WE GO!!!

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Sadly, it all went downhill VERY fast from here.

Some contestants emphasized the importance of the "P" in PSL and went right for the canned pumpkin.

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The line to make coffee was even crazier than the one to get an iPhone 6.

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Contestants got, um, for lack of a better word, very "creative"...

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This is "coffee." SMDH.

CONCENTRATION IS KEY!!! And before they knew it, 15 minutes had come and gone.

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Oh yeah, things got REALLY dirty. And not the fun, Christina Aguilera-approved kind of "dirty."

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Next, it was time for our seven judges to get down to business. And they had their work cut out for them.

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Our judges tasted tastes they never had tasted before.

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And their stomachs were put to the TEST. Can you feel their pain?

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But our judges pushed forward like the brave souls they are, for a winner (or in this case, the person who made the least disgusting drink) had to be crowned!

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Drink A, crafted by Brian Galindo, aka "The Pumpkin Spice King," was inspired by the feeling of "being wrapped in a wool sweater on a cool day."

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Brian used maple agave, brown sugar, heavy cream, caramel sauce, coffee, ice, pumpkin coffee, nutmeg, cinnamon, vanilla, and pumpkin filling. It was described by contestants as "tasty" and "pretty" but it "looks more like hot cocoa" and "¯\_(ツ)_/¯". Brian's beverage scored an average of 24.7 out of 40.

Drink B, crafted by Lara Parker, aka "Pumpkin Spice Up Your Life," was inspired by the barista's love of graham crackers. "I put a lot of chunks of graham crackers to make it more of a meal, less of a shitty coffee drink," Parker said.

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Lara used coffee, milk, whipped cream, graham crackers, cinnamon, pumpkin, nutmeg, and caramel to craft her beverage. Her PSL was described as "not pretty enough to be basic", "chunky", and it "jiggled," which one judge described as "gross, but intriguing." Lara's concoction scored an average of 19.4 out of 40 with our judges.

Drink C, crafted by Leo Epstein, was meant to be "Liquid Unhappiness," according to the barista.

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Leo used maple agave syrup, coffee, pumpkin, ice, heavy cream, milk, whipped cream, cinnamon, nutmeg, caramel, and vanilla to make her beverage. One judge "applauded" the use of sugar, but the drink was also described as "sad," and it "doesn't taste like pumpkin"; additionally, it was described as "the most basic" because "basic bitches love whipped cream and sugar." Leo's PSL scored an average of 24.6 out of 40.

Drink D, crafted by Kristin Chirico, aka "Plumpkin Spice Latte," was inspired by the spirit of "winning, and also making a mess."

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Kristin's PSL used pumpkin coffee "with hot water filtered through a paper towel into a mug"... How gourmet! It also used heavy cream, cinnamon, nutmeg, and whipped cream. One judge was terrified and wouldn't finish her taste test because "something solid is in there," and it was described as tasting like "pumpkin pee" — but yet another judge described it as "lovely." Kristin's beverage earned a score of 23.4 out of 40 from our distinguished panel.

Drink E, crafted by Candace Lowry, was inspired by the barista's "basic roots" in a sorority. "I took memories of all my sisters during the fall in their Uggs and scarves, and put them into my creation," Lowry said.

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Candace's drink contained heavy cream, milk, coffee, ice, whipped cream, marshmallows, caramel, cinnamon, and pumpkin. It had a "basic look for sure" but "too chic of a taste" and "the shit on top is A+". Candace's concoction scored an average of 25.9 out of 40 with our judges, truly knocking their socks off (figuratively, not literally).

Last and unfortunately least, Drink F, crafted by Christian Zamora, aka "Pumpkin Spice Gurl," was inspired by "cold autumn walks in boots and zigazig-ah." That's a Spice Girls reference, FYI.

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Christian used "like a lot of pumpkin" and "accidentally a lot of nutmeg" because he thought it was cinnamon (SMDH). He also used actual cinnamon, milk, brown sugar, whipped cream, heavy cream, marshmallows, graham crackers, coffee, and "maple sizzurp" aka maple agave syrup. Our judges... loathed it. "Horrible flavor. I feel dizzy," said one judge, and it was described as "too ugly to love." Perhaps one judge put it best when they described it as "F for fuck no." Christian's Pumpkin Spice Disaster scored an 18.3 out of 40 with the judges.

Which means...

Candace's Pumpkin Spice Latte is our winner!

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"I knew that the spirit of my white-girl basicness would pull through when I really needed it. This title means so much to me, and I truly feel #SoBlessed."

By the way, if you want to make an AMAZING homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte (maybe even better than Starbucks!), check out this recipe.

Starbucks