As any true cinephile knows, the 2004 seminal classic Mean Girls is scientifically proven to be the most quotable movie of all time. But the question remains: What are the BEST quotes from Mean Girls?
To answer this question, BuzzFeed employed a highly scientific equation — hereafter referred to as the “Fetch Factor” — in ranking quotes from Mean Girls. As such, these rankings should be considered binding and final — like the Burn Book.
71. “On Oct. 3, he asked me what day it is.” [out loud]: “It’s Oct. 3.”
Fetch Factor: The least fetch, because, like, everyone and their mother cannot wait until Oct. 3 every year so they can post this quote on Facebook.
70. “Everyone in Africa can read Swedish.”
Fetch Factor: Minimal fetch points, but only because Regina buys this grade-A bullshit.
69. “Regina George is flawless.”
Fetch Factor: Not that fetch. Only Beyoncé is truly ***FLAWLESS.
68. “This is the fertility vase of the Ndebele tribe. Does that mean anything to you.”
Fetch Factor: Some fetch points, but only because Cady’s mom (does anyone know her real name?) pulls off this line with such sincerity. She deserved an award nomination.
67. “There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.”
Fetch Factor: Sort of fetch. Randomly, Mean Girls has a lot of deep quotes and this is the first on the list.
66. “And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.”
Fetch Factor: Not that fetch. But hey, at least we get to laugh at homeschooled kids!
65. “Don’t have sex, ‘cause you will get pregnant…and die.”
Fetch Factor: Moderately low in its fetchness, because has anyone here REALLY died from sex? I know I haven’t.
64. “Made out with a hot dog? Oh my god, that was one time!”
Fetch Factor: Low, low fetch. I mean, how do you make out with a hot dog? (Spoiler alert: She didn’t make out with a hot dog.)
63. “Did you see a nipple? It only counts if you saw a nipple.”
Fetch Factor: EWWW gross, not that fetch. High school boys are the worst, am I right?
62. “Now I guess she’s on crack.”
Fetch Factor: Eh, not really that fetch. But excellent use of the word “crack.” Crackity crack crack.
61. “I have this theory that if you cut off all her hair she’d look like a British man.”
Fetch Factor: Not that fetch. Sounds kind of forced, when you think about it — and at this point, Cady has descended into Plastic hell.
60. “How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?”
Fetch Factor: Fetch-ish. Admit it, you just raised your hand now. I know I did.
59. “I hear her hair’s insured for $10,000.”
Fetch Factor: Of all the rumors about Regina, this is the weakest. I mean, we all have a friend whose hair is insured for $10,000, right? RIGHT???
58. Gretchen: “My hairline is so weird.” Regina: “My pores are huge.” Karen: “My nail beds suck.” Cady: “I have really bad breath in the morning.”
Fetch Factor: Sort of fetch? I mean, does it piss anyone else off that the worst thing Karen could complain about were her nail beds? Like, ~ whatever ~ gurl, you can put your whole fist in your mouth.
57. “It’s like I have ESPN or something.”
Fetch Factor: Pretty fetch. Before Mean Girls ESPN was just a regional sports network that showed Ping-Pong. Then, this movie put the channel on the map — and the rest is history. Stuart Scott, you can thank Karen Smith for your career.
56. Damian: “Say ‘crack’ again.” Janis: “Crack.”
Fetch Factor: Moderately fetch. I mean, crack IS a pretty awesome word that we should all be using more in our daily vocab.
55. “Is your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?”
Fetch Factor: Minimal fetchness, because EW EW EW he is so sleazy and now we can never enjoy a muffin the same way again.
54. “Do you guys need anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know. Oh god, love you.”
Fetch Factor: Slightly fetch, but also weird because the lady from “Weekend Update” is about to see the guy from Homeland screw her daughter who is also the girl from The Notebook.
53. “I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.”
Fetch Factor: Actually, pretty fetch despite the fact she DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE. And also, that rainbows and smiles cake would taste like SHIT.
52. “She has two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus.”
Fetch Factor: Not really that fetch. I mean, if John Stamos tells you that you’re pretty, who gives a crap about your damn Lexus?
51. “I really wanna lose three pounds.”
Fetch Factor: Not really THAT fetch. I mean, Reg, you’re not alone in your struggle. NOW PUT DOWN THE CRANBERRY JUICE COCKTAIL.
50. “I, like, invented her, you know what I mean?”
Fetch Factor: Sly in its fetchness. I mean, you feel sort of sorry for Regina at this point, until you realize she has a smokin’ hot boyfriend, drives a silver Lexus, and is also a raging bitch.
49. “She’s a life ruiner. She ruins people’s lives.”
Fetch Factor: I mean, it’s fetch. Not exactly the most descriptive way to analyze Regina, but it gets the job done.
48. “There’s a 30% chance that it’s already raining.”
Fetch Factor: 30% fetch. Although yeah, we all kind of wish our boobs could act like Al Roker and tell the weather, right?
47. “I’m a mouse, duh!”
Fetch Factor: Moderately fetch. I mean, she is a mouse. DUH.
46. “She’s a scum-sucking road whore. She ruined my life!”
Fetch Factor: Right-on fetch. Janice Ian serves some angsty teen realness throughout the movie, and this is a prime example. Also, this is an insult we all should use more often. Go on, call the next person you see a “scum-sucking road whore.”
45. “These sweatpants are all that fit me right now.”
Fetch Factor: Stretched to the fetchness. Although we all learned a valuable lesson: If you don’t speak Swedish, you’ll accidentally eat protein bars that will make you gain weight like crazy.
44. “I guess it’s probably because I’ve got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on that.”
Fetch Factor: Fairly fetch. Janice serves up some ~ raw ~ and ~ real ~ words, so snaps for that.
43. “On Wednesdays, we wear pink.”
Fetch Factor: Pretty fetch, but it gets knocked down the list because this is one of those quotes everyone remembers and WILL NEVER LET DIE.
42. “Four for you, Glen Coco! You go, Glen Coco!”
Fetch Factor: Not that fetch. Everyone thinks this quote is SO funny, but, like, does anyone even know what it means? Nope.
41. “Don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thang.”
Fetch Factor: Pretty fetch, because it’s inspirational and shit. KEVIN G FTW.
40. “Oh my god, Danny DeVito! I love your work!”
Fetch Factor: Definitely fetch, because it introduced a whole new generation of moviegoers to Danny DeVito.
39. “I don’t think that my father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be too pleased to hear about this.”
Fetch Factor: Toasty fetch. Also, Gretchen has a point. Except how did we not see ANYONE consume a Toaster Strudel in Mean Girls? I bet her father wouldn’t be too pleased about that either.
38. “Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to Taco Bell?”
Fetch Factor: Sort of fetch, because Taco Bell. DUH.
37. “In girl world, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”
Fetch Factor: Like, SO fetch. If anything, this quote hits the nail a little TOO on the head.
36. Cady: “Is there alcohol in this?” Mrs. George: “Oh god, honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you’re gonna drink I’d rather you did it in the house.”
Fetch Factor: Def fetch. Mrs. George has, like, five lines in this movie, and they are all so ~ quotable ~.
35. “We only carry sizes one, three, and five. You could try Sears.”
Fetch Factor: Pretty fetch, considering the queen bee just got burned by a saleslady.
34. “Your hair looks so sexy pushed back.”
Fetch Factor: Sexy fetch. I mean, his hair DOES look sexy pushed back, right? God bless Aaron Samuels.
33. “I don’t hate you because you’re fat. You’re fat because I hate you.”
Fetch Factor: Muy fetch, because truer words have never been spoken.
32. “If you’re from Africa, why are you white?”
Fetch Factor: Definitely fetch, but not THAT fetch. It may not even be in the top five weird things Karen says.
31. “One time, she punched me in the face. It was awesome.”
Fetch Factor: Hella fetch. Not only does she have a wide-set vagina, but Regina punched her in the face. Some girls have all the luck.
30. Damian: “My nana takes her wig off when she’s drunk.” Ms. Norbury: “Your nana and I have that in common.”
Fetch Factor: Can we all admit that Ms. Norbury might be the best part of Mean Girls? Are we even surprised, considering Tina is queen? QUEEN TINA.
29. “You smell like a baby prostitute.”
Fetch Factor: Like, stealthy fetch. Janice delivers some quiet realness throughout the movie but is often looked over because of her grody hair.
28. “Ex-boyfriends are just off-limits to friends. I mean, that’s just, like, the rules of feminism!”
Fetch Factor: Fairly fetch. I mean, we’ve all heard this rule IRL, and we’ve also all probably broken this rule too.
27. “She doesn’t even go here!”
Fetch Factor: Fairly fetch. I mean, this is a quintessential Damian zinger.
26. “I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me, but I can’t help it that I’m popular.”
Fetch Factor: Yup, it’s fetch. Who HASN’T felt this way. Gretchen, telling it like it is ONCE AGAIN.
25. “Whatever. I’m getting cheese fries.”
Fetch Factor: Yup, fetch. Let’s be honest, Regina is speaking for us all when she gets cheese fries.
24. “I hear she does car commercials…in Japan.”
Fetch Factor: Way 2 fetch. But, like, who the hell is this chick?
23. “We should totally just stab Caesar!”
Fetch Factor: 2 FETCH 4 U. Gretchen ~ cracks ~ and it truly is a sight to behold. Also, a great history lesson for all of us who didn’t know who Julius Caesar was before watching this movie.
22. “I can’t help it if I have a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina.”
Fetch Factor: LOL Fetch. Disturbing, but so funny. And she has a point.
21. “One time, she met John Stamos on a plane, and he told her she was pretty.”
Fetch Factor: SO, so, so, so fetch. I mean, what girl (or guy, for that matter) DOESN’T dream of John Stamos telling them they’re pretty?
20. “I can’t go to Taco Bell. I’m on an all-carb diet. God, Karen, you are so stupid!”
Fetch Factor: Not that fetch, because that’s not how Taco Bell works. Um, just order a fucking quesadilla, Regina.
19. “So you agree? You think you’re really pretty?”
Fetch Factor: V., v. fetch. SO PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE YOU CAN FEEL THE BURN FROM REGINA’S EYES.
18. “Is butter a carb?”
Fetch Factor: Very fetch. Also, we still don’t have an answer. Can someone call up Paula Deen and verify whether or not butter is actually a carb?
17. “That’s why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets.”
Fetch Factor: Definitely fetch, but, like, you KNOW Damian cooked up this line months ago and has just been waiting to use it on some new girl.
16. “One time I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip-flops. So I bought army pants and flip-flops.”
Fetch Factor: Weirdly fetch. Like, we all knew this girl in high school and avoided her like the plague but she’s quietly one of the best parts of Mean Girls.
15. “Oh my god, Karen, you can’t just ask people why they’re white.”
Fetch Factor: Pretty fetch. I mean, yeah, we were all thinking the same thing as Karen. But leave it to Gretch to be the voice of reason. CLASSIC, am I right?
14. Karen: “I can’t go out. I’m sick.” * coughs * Regina: “Boo, you whore.”
Fetch Factor: SO fetch. Basically, if you ever need to peer-pressure someone, just say, “Boo, you whore” and you’re golden.
13. “I’m not like a regular mom. I’m a cool mom.”
Fetch Factor: Like, so fetch. Like, everyone’s mom has said this at one point or another, right? It’s just that not every mom has rock-hard implants ready to crush you every time she goes in for a hug.
Fetch Factor: After “fetch,” “grool” is the most important word Mean Girls introduced to the English language. We should all use it more often and honor Queen Tina.
11. “Why are you so obsessed with me?”
Fetch Factor: Definitely fetch, because it inspired a Mariah Carey single.
10. Rando: “Nice wig, Janice. What’s it made of?” Janice: “Your mom’s chest hair!”
Fetch Factor: SUPER fetch, because Janice serves up some third-degree BURNS.
9. “You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores.”
Fetch Factor: Fetch as fuck, because as much as we were laughing throughout the movie, Ms. Norbury hit pretty close to home.
8. “The limit does not exist.”
Fetch Factor: HELLA fetch. I mean, no one actually knows what Cady means, but this sounds like some deep shit. Also, you can say it in basically any situation. “How many chicken nuggets can I eat?” THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
7. “Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen. It’s not going to happen!”
Fetch Factor: Plot twist, it’s pretty fetch. And sorry, Regina, but fetch DID happen.
6. “Gretchen, I’m sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble. And I’m sorry for telling everyone about it. And I’m sorry for repeating it now.”
Fetch Factor: SO fetch. Barnes & Noble would be IRRELEVANT if it were not for this quote.
5. “That is the ugliest effing skirt I have ever seen.”
Fetch Factor: Spot-on fetch, because let’s face it, we’ve all been in this situation at one point in our lives.
4. “You can’t sit with us!”
Fetch Factor: Like, so fetch, Gretch! Who knew she had it in her?
3. “Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George’s life definitely didn’t make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.”
Fetch Factor: Way, way fetch. Yeah, it’s not a super zinger. But when you boil Mean Girls down to a single message, doesn’t this quote have to take the cake?
2. “Get in, loser. We’re going shopping.”
Fetch Factor: Top-of-the-line fetch. It’s funny because it’s mean, but Cady also IS a loser at this point and they ARE going shopping. #Accurate