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ABCs Of The Internet

26 friendly guidelines for successful Internet usage.

1. ALWAYS USE CAPS LOCK

… TO EXPRESS THE IMMEDIACY OF THE SITUATION.

2. Be polite to everyone you meet.

… because no one likes to be yelled at.

3. Cats are everything.

… so show them some respect.

4. Dubstep is important.

… especially when cats are involved.

5. Equal parts drama and generosity.

… because the Internet giveth and the Internet can taketh away.

6. Facebook is a scrapbook of your weird life.

… so post as much embarrassing things as possible.

7. GIFs can be used in any situation.

… so use them frequently.

8. Hedgehogs have bad days, too.

… it’s not just you.

9. If it’s on Wikipedia, double check the source.

… everyone knows Justin Bieber isn’t a squirrel in a blender.

10. Just turn your computer off sometimes.

… because there’s only so much trolling you can do in one night.

11. Katy Perry thinks you’re so gay.

… and don’t you forget it.

12. Looks Photoshopped? It probably is.

… even though he’s obviously playing guitar in the middle of the ocean, I’ve never seen a ship that big.

13. Meeting people online can be dangerous, so be careful.

… we’re not all models who smile at our laptops on couches made from imported Italian leather.

14. News travels incredibly fast.

… sometimes faster than the actual information. Looking at you, CNN.

15. Only women laugh alone with salad.

… in a group.

16. People are probably tweeting from more bathrooms than you realize.

… don’t look at #pooptweet, just in case.

17. QWOP is amazingly difficult, so don’t even try.

… it’s probably not easier in real life, either.

18. Ryan Gosling is the hero America both wants and needs.

… who else would keep our streets safe from art thieves?

19. Spell check is vital.

… and auto-correct fails don’t count.

20. Tumblr supports pictures, so don’t get wordy.

… plus, no one reads your text posts anyways.

21. Understand that people are different.

… and the world will be a better place.

22. Violate every terms of service.

… especially if you’ve already agreed to them.

23. Wake up to this video every day.

… and you’re guaranteed to have no problems.

24. Xzibit is the most jolly of all the memes.

… and the most difficult meme to spell.

25. YouTube can teach you 200 things about the Internet.

… and also how to make funfetti brownies.

26. Zynga makes the games your mom still plays on Facebook.

… so don’t ignore her game notifications.

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