“Listen, I get that you don’t have a lot of time on your hands. And I understand that Nutella hot chocolate is great. But maybe you should go and find yourself a man.”
“I don’t actually care how many dishes you have to wash after making those thumbprint cookies. Get out the baking soda and vinegar because we have a clog situation.”
“Not a Le Creuset Dutch Oven, but I bet it’s non-stick. You’re welcome.”
“I’m making a spinach fri-hata instead. Because I hate you. In case you didn’t catch that.”
“Ohhh, cute, they’re just like you! Not very sharp. You should fix that.”
“Shut up, just shut up, I need this. I’m, uh, taste-testing this before you make the caramel apple Jell-O shots.”
“Make something healthy instead. Trust me. My hips don’t lie and neither do yours.”
“Heard you wanted to make orange chicken tonight. Just order take-out.”
“I only have good things to say about these brownies, actually, as you can tell.”
“Hey, it’s a better gift than a “garlic-mincing car,” you gotta give me that.”
“ALL YOU EVER HAVE HERE IS WATER HOW DO YOU SURVIVE HOW WILL I SURVIVE PLEASE ORDER SOMETHING GOD YOU SUCK AT BEING A HOST.”
“You still use jars of pasta sauce? Ha, wow. That takes me back. I do my own canning now, so, y’know, I just make my own.”
- A BuzzFeed News investigation lifts the lid on a security scandal that the police and MI5 tried to keep secret.
- Two University of Cincinnati officers who were on the scene shortly after Samuel Dubose was fatally shot have been placed on leave. The officer accused of killing Dubose has been released from jail after posting bond.
- The new Apple TV will debut in September, along with its own App Store.