1. Hooray for Jedward, the funniest, most energetic, and most adorable act in pop today!
You may disagree. You may think that Jedward are shrill, irritating little ne'er-do-wells.
But you'd be wrong.
2. You see, when John and Edward Grimes from Dublin swaggered onto the X Factor stage in 2009, they made Simon Cowell do this:
3. But they made some of us do this:
4. Why? Well, let's see. Maybe it's their irrepressible spirit.
5. Maybe it's because their hair will never be defeated.
6. Or the fact that Jedward had sticky-up hair long before Miley even thought about cutting hers.
7. Maybe it's because they ain't 'fraid of no ghost.
8. Or the fact that they never, ever, ever jump at exactly the same time.
9. Or perhaps it's because their trainers are without compare.
10. NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT they rock a mic like a vandal, light up the stage, and wax a chump like a candle.
11. Also, they look unexpectedly chic in full-face makeup.
12. And as BAFTAs.
13. They give great practical advice.
14. They're always thinking of the children.
In fact, they present a kids' TV show called Jedward's Big Adventure.
15. And are generally super-positive.
16. In fact, Jedward are all business in the front...
17. ... And party in the back.
18. Actually, they're pretty much party all the time.
Look at them go. Boingggg!
Sproinggg!
19. Where do they get all that energy?
Junk food?
Their definitely scientifically accurate impeccable heritage?
The fact that they will endorse almost anything for money?
Grapes?
Actually, no one really knows. Like black holes, dark matter and the double-slit experiment, what powers Jedward is one of the great mysteries of the universe.
(It's probably sugar, though)
20. Also, although they didn't win Eurovision 2012, they were the most magnificent entrants.
21. And let's not forget the fact that we still can't quite get their 2011 Eurovision entry, Lipstick, out of our heads.
22. Despite being hypermegasuperstars, though, Jedward aren't too good for Lidl.
23. AND they're OLYMPIANS!
Well, sort of.
24. Also, you can get chocolate Jedwards now.
25. And Jedward Easter eggs.
26. And also someone saw fit to do a picture of them attacking a sort of defeated-looking unicorn.
27. Jedward's indisputable greatness is also evident in whatever is going on here.
28. And in the fact that, even though they may squabble...
29. ... They always make up in the end with a lovely brotherly cuddle.
Oh, Jedward.
Never change.
Okay, maybe change a little.
But just a little, please.
