2. This is you halfway through a blow-dry.
3. This is you at the end of your gruelling daily three-hour grooming session.
4. You’re scared of hooking up with another hairy person in case you inadvertently raise a tribe of wolf-people.
5. The state of your hair is a humidity alarm for everyone around you.
6. And it adds a full five inches to your height.
7. Sometimes it feels as though your hair has a mind of its own.
11. It’s probably even devoured the odd person when you weren’t looking.
13. Except for hair stylists. Faced with your giant barnet, they’ll sigh and start doing stretches before they work on you.
14. You cut it short once, and looked like a shorn sheep for six months.
15. Wearing your hair up gives you a headache within 30 seconds.
17. Every single day of summer is like walking around with an overheated poodle strapped to your head.
18. And sometimes the sheer weight of your hair is too much for your neck.
19. You kind of wish it was still the ’70s, because giant hair was hot back then.
20. Your hair rejects most hairstyles within a couple of hours.
21. In fact, you really only have two styles: The “Lana Del Rey” (when you’ve put product in your hair).
22. And the “GREAT SCOTT!” (when you haven’t).
23. But, for all its trouble, you wouldn’t give up your giant hair for anything.
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