1. 1. “Buckwild”
Date: Debuts January 3 on MTV
High Concept: Jersey Shore meets Honey Boo Boo meets Jackass
Secret Weapon: Live weaponry
Breakout Star: Shain the happiest trash sligher
Hipster Touchstone: Trucker hats by the truckful.
Drinking Game: Drink every time someone on the screen isn’t drinking.
2. 2. “Downton Abbey”
Date: Season 3 begins January 6th on PBS
High Concept Premise: Dynasty meets Brideshead
Secret Weapon: Evil Footmen
Breakout Star: Hipster Lady Edith
Hipster Touchstone: Bike culture pandering
Drinking Game: Sip one toddy every time Matthew disapproves
3. 3. “Vanderpump Rules”
Date: Series premieres Jan 7th on Bravo
High Concept Premise: Real Housewives meets Cheers
Secret Weapon: Giggy
Breakout Star: Brandi Glanville antagonist Scheana Marie
Hipster Touchstone: Foodie pandering restaurant setting
Drinking Game: Two appletinis when someone adjusts their mini-dress in the middle of a fight.
4. 4. “Justified”
Date: Season 4 begins Jan 7th on FX
High Concept: Adam 12 meets Deliverance
Secret Weapon: Patton Oswalt joins the cast as “Constable Bob Sweeney”
Breakout Star: Walton Goggins as Boyd Crowder
Hipster Touchstone: The massive amounts of redneck culture make Kentucky all but indistinguishable from Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
Drinking Game: Take seven shots of bourbon every time a load of Oxycontin crosses into the county.
5. 5. “Enlightened”
Date: Season 2 begins Jan. 13th on HBO
High Concept: IT Crowd meets Pedro Almodovar
Secret Weapon: Post-irony
Breakout Star: Timm Sharp as the creepy boss
Hipster Touchstone: Mike White, actor
Drinking Game: Sip a jasmine tea every time Levi doesn’t want to change.
Date:Season 2 premieres Jan. 13th on HBO
High Concept: Eloise meets Drugstore Cowboy
Secret Weapon: The entire media
Breakout Star: Zosia Mamet
Hipster Touchstone: Itself
Drinking Game: Take four swigs of cabernet stolen from parents’ liquor cabinet every time someone self-sabotages while making a joke about self-sabotaging
7. 7. “The Carrie Diaries”
Date: Debuts Jan. 14th on the CW
High Concept: Gossip Girl meets Gossip Girl
Secret Weapon: The CW’s retread branding juggernaut
Breakout Star : AnnaSophia Robb does Carrie Bradshaw proud
Hipster Touchstone: Indochine reference in the pilot
Drinking Game: Two smoothies every time Carrie and friends allude to catch phrases from their future.
8. 8. “American Idol”
Date: Season 12 debuts Jan. 16th on Fox
High Concept: The American Music Awards meets the Presidential campaign
Secret Weapon: Inertia
Breakout Star: After 12 years has Randy Jackson’s day come at last?
Hipster Touchstone: They would have you believe, Nicky Minaj.
Drinking Game: Chug a six pack of O’Douls if you ever see Ryan Seacrest blink.
9. 9. “The Following”
Date: Debuts Jan. 21st on Fox
High Concept: Helter Skelter meets the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
Secret Weapon: Actually scary
Breakout Stars: Hidden serial killer cult members
Hipster Touchstone: Created by Kevin Williamson
Drinking Game : Drink when Kevin Bacon drinks, but pretend it’s water.
10. 10. “The Americans”
Date: Debuts Jan. 30th on FX
High Concept: Homeland meets Mad Men
Secret Weapon: Felicity is a spy
Breakout Stars: Cars and hair, 1981-style
Hipster Touchstone: Brief Urban Cowboy reference
Drinking Game: Shot of Stoli every time Russell and Matthew Rhys try out their Russian accents