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24 Ways Last-Minute Christmas Shopping Is Hell On Earth

“I’ll just pop to the shops for a bit and get a few things, it can’t be that bad.” Welcome to the worst decision you’ve ever made.

1. You find the strength to leave the house and make it to Oxford Street. Which is awful at the best of times. The crowds are heaving.

Luke Macgregor / Reuters

2. EVERYONE IS WALKING TOO SLOWLY.

@psmith / BuzzFeed

3. While in theory it should be fun, it’s more like a sick game.

4. Or a frightening glimpse into what an English zombie apocalypse would look like. There would still be queuing.

@psmith / BuzzFeed

5. Not even the reindeer on Oxford Street can dampen the rising sense of anger.

If you want to guarantee yourself an absolutely awful time, I recommend popping down to Oxford Street. It's like a war zone, only worse.

— FRRYYY (@FRY)

FRY

@FRRYYY

If you want to guarantee yourself an absolutely awful time, I recommend popping down to Oxford Street. It’s like a war zone, only worse.

/ Via

Oxford Street, London: The physical definition of hell on earth. Should come with every kind of health warning.

— HannahMLondon (@Hannah Martin)

Hannah Martin

@HannahMLondon

Oxford Street, London: The physical definition of hell on earth. Should come with every kind of health warning.

/ Via

creating something resembling a disaster plan for my trip to oxford street tomorrow. kill me now.

— ellie_bullock (@Ellie Bullock)

Ellie Bullock

@ellie_bullock

creating something resembling a disaster plan for my trip to oxford street tomorrow. kill me now.

/ Via

Achievement Unlocked: Survive the Zombie Apocalypse. Went shopping on Oxford Street on the last weekend before Christmas.

— stopsatgreen (@Peter Gasston)

Peter Gasston

@stopsatgreen

Achievement Unlocked: Survive the Zombie Apocalypse. Went shopping on Oxford Street on the last weekend before Christmas.

/ Via

6. It’s so bad that the police have to get involved.

Andrew Winning / Reuters

This is from when Jessie J turned on the lights in London’s Oxford Street. The lights cost £1.5 million this year. Good job there’s nothing else that needs funding out there.

7. The shops have all made an effort to make their window displays look dazzlingly festive.

Neil Hall / Reuters

“Daddy can we have presents this year?”
“No, we’re just going to look at them again.”

8. You try fighting your way into an actual shop. How about Liberty? It’s been on TV and everything, it must be good.

BuzzFeed / Via Channel Four

9. Ooh, that’s a nice scarf. I bet that would go down well with… OMG IT’S £150. FOR A SCARF. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE.

@psmith / BuzzFeed

10. Why not try good old, dependable John Lewis instead. You can’t go wrong. Except you get swept away in a bargain-seeking human tidal surge and end up on the 3rd floor looking at lamps.

@psmith / BuzzFeed

11. Actually, could you get a lamp as a present? (Answer: no).

@psmith / BuzzFeed

What the fuck possessed me to go to John Lewis on Oxford street? Hell on earth albeit a middle class hell.

— adliterate (@richard huntington)

richard huntington

@adliterate

What the fuck possessed me to go to John Lewis on Oxford street? Hell on earth albeit a middle class hell.

/ Via

12. You stand with the other shoppers, staring at the floorplan, looking for the section titled “EXCELLENT CHEAP PRESENTS WITH NO QUEUING”.

@psmith / BuzzFeed

13. If you have to buy any women’s clothing you feel a lot like this.

14. Whatever you buy is never exactly the thing you wanted anyway.

15. The in-store jazz band cranking out Christmas hits isn’t exactly helping matters.

@psmith / BuzzFeed

16. Although the LEGO Father Christmas is admittedly quite impressive.

17. You now need something for the kids. So why not check out Hamley’s on Regent Street. Nothing says Christmas like bouncers outside a toy shop.

@psmith / BuzzFeed

18. This is the queue of parental desperation.

@psmith / BuzzFeed

19. About this point, when there’s a spontaneous surge for the last Furby, is when you lose consciousness.

@psmith / BuzzFeed

20. By now you’re desperately seeking something, anything, you can give to a loved one. A comedy DVD, perhaps?

@psmith / BuzzFeed

“This DVD is NOT ENDORSED by Little Britain, Matt Lucas or David Walliams”.

21. Or something more exotic?

Christmas shopping: DONE.

— bmagnanti (@Dr Belle de Jingle)

Dr Belle de Jingle

@bmagnanti

Christmas shopping: DONE.

/ Via

22. But this is the queue for the checkout.

23. Having bought your Christmas tat, you then have to transport it home on a packed bus of train OR sit in your stationary car in loads of traffic, listening to Chris Rea.

Luke Macgregor / Reuters

24. Until we meet again, last minute Christmas shopping.

Neil Hall / Reuters

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