You might already be aware that People has released its 2012 list of the “sexiest men alive,” and that’s it’s full of terrible choices. People also declared a “United States of Sexy” list, picking the sexiest men alive that hail from each of the 50 states. In an upset that rivals Channing Tatum over Ryan Gosling, the runt of the Miami Heat, Mario Chalmers, was selected as the sexy delegate from Alaska. We realize that naming the sexiest Alaskan alive is no small task, but look at all the worthy Alaskans People overlooked.
2. This guy is the sexiest Alaskan alive? Hardly.
4. Carlos Boozer is from Juneau, and look how well manicured his beard is!
5. Trajan Langdon, who was Duke’s first Alaskan Assassin, recently retired after a long career in Russia.
6. Lance Mackey has won the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race four times, and didn’t have LeBron James around to cover up his weaknesses.
Do you know how hard it is to win the Iditarod? Fact: 80% of Alaska’s population lists “sled dog racer” as their profession, and Lance Mackey beat them all four times.
7. Todd Palin’s managed to not look like a disheveled wreck, despite his marital status.
8. This is Joe, from Nome. He likes to go sledding.
10. His son, Tigers pitcher Daniel Schlereth, practically undresses you with his stern gaze.
11. This is Ty Conklin. No one knows what he looks like under the mask, but it only adds to the mystique.
12. Levi Johnston makes you pause like a deer in the headlights.
13. Sean Rash is a professional bowler and style icon.
14. William Oefelein has been to outer space. Enough said.
15. Curt Schilling’s also from Anchorage. Some people might say he looks like an older, bankrupt Daniel Craig, and I wouldn’t disagree.
16. Actually, that was literally every famous living Alaskan man that has ever been photographed (perhaps a slight overstatement).
17. It seems “People” got it right this time. Carry on, “People.” Congrats, Mario.
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