Because dinner shouldn’t just be delicious. It should also be ready immediately.
You know, very questionable motivational posters.
“Life’s tough, get a helmet!”
You won’t hear it and you won’t respond to it.
Oh, George Michael. We always knew you were a sensitive soul.
After being mistreated, Frank the dachshund has settled into his new life in the best way possible.
If you can check all of these off, it’s time to switch professions.
Just don’t mention diets.
“OK we have five credit cards and one gift certificate…”
Because life is nothing without music.
Being alone when you’re 80 doesn’t scare you because you already know your destiny. When you grow up, you’re going to be a cat lady.
Because other college clubs just weren’t alternative enough for you.
Either your professor sits on a throne of lies, or you’re a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. Or both.
If someone snaps their finger at me one more time…