The DOs And DON’Ts Of Bonnaroo

A complete guide to Bonnaroo.

1. DO: Carry around a horse on a stick.

Because horses are cute.

2. DON’T: Hide drugs in it. They’ll check.

3. DO: Wear a handkerchief to hide your face from all the dust.

4. It gets REALLY dusty.

5. That haze is dust.

6. DON’T: Wear a chair around your head to block you from the dust.

Not sure this works so well.

7. DO: Draw something cool on the walls around Bonnaroo.

8. DON’T: Draw something made out of toothpaste.

It’s gotta be hard to clean up.

9. or a penis with wings.

10. DO: Pretend to be a unicorn and pop balloons with your unicorn head.

This was FREE to do!

This guy’s job was to blow up balloons all day for the unicorn to pop. DO give him a thumbs up.

12. DON’T: Wait in a really long line just for a free t-shirt.

It’s a t-shirt, people!

13. DO: Hold up a cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber during a Ludacris concert.

If you didn’t know, Luda has a song with Justin.

15. DON’T: Hold up a bunch of noodles tied together during a concert.

16. DO: Carry around a tiny umbrella.

Because tiny things are cute.

17. DON’T: Carry around a giant umbrella.

You’ll block everybody.

18. DO: Learn your tent names.

There’s a “This Tent”, “That Tent”, “What Tent”, “That Other Tent”, and a “?” tent at Bonnaroo.

21. DON’T: Pass out outside a tent.

22. DO: Take advantage of free shade.

Trees offer free shade too, a hot commodity at Bonnaroo.

24. DON’T: Buy cigarettes. They are $16.

25. DO: Wash your feet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These were my feet after a day. They have wash stations around the grounds. Your feet will turn into a nightmare if you don’t.

26. DON’T: Wash in the fountain.

27. Also don’t cover yourself in dirt:

28. Or do this:

29. DO: Bring a mini foot stool if you are really short.

If and only if you are really short. I’m talking dwarf size!

30. DON’T: Sit down in the middle of a crowd during a concert.

Seriously never do this. Ever.

31. Also don’t take video the entire concert.

It’s almost as bad as sitting down during the entire thing.

32. DON’T: GO JOGGING IN THE MORNING, YOU ARE AT A MUSIC FESTIVAL.

Some people have the nerve! Thanks for making me feel bad for drinking all that beer.

33. DO: Check out the creepy bobble heads.

34. DON’T: Stare at this one for too long.

35. DO: Play with one of these things. They’re fun.

I forget what they’re called. BuzzFeed help me.

36. DON’T: Just twirl two hula hoops around.

Mad skills right here.

37. DO: Take your picture in the Little Hippy cardboard cutout.

38. DON’T: Be the creepy old guy that wants to see boobs and wears weird pants.

39. DON’T: Listen to these guys.

40. DO: Draw a octopus fighting a whale on a drum.

41. DON’T: Walk around wearing an inner tube.

Because yeah.

42. DO: Hang out in the fountain during the day.

43. DON’T: Wear jeans in the fountain at night. Yuck.

44. DO: Sniff monkey farts.

It smells really good.

45. DON’T: Get henna wings drawn on your back.

46. DO: Relax in the cabanas around the grounds.

47. DON’T: Pass out on the ground.

48. DO: Shave designs into your body hair.

Always funny.

49. DON’T: forget sunscreen! ESPECIALLY if you’re wearing overalls.

Also DON’T wear overalls.

50. DO: Yoga.

I guess?

51. DON’T: Trust a wizard in a green cape.

52. DO: Drink LOTS of water. Fill up at the water stations around the grounds.

The water comes from wells beneath the campgrounds.

53. DON’T: Kick around a soccer ball.

Way too many people for that.

54. DO: Ride the Ferris Wheel.

You can see just how massive the place is. 80,000 people.

55. DON’T: Go to the other ferris wheel on the other side of the grounds. There is a Jesus Camp.

57. DO: Buy vodka if it comes with free face painting.

Great deal.

58. DON’T: Get hypnotized by someone wearing a glowing Jason mask and cat ears.

59. DO: Wonder why someone made a frozen yogurt truck called YOLO.

60. DON’T: Carry around a humongous drum.

That’s got to be tiring.

61. DO: Go to the silent disco.

Everyone has headphones and it’s just a big dance party.

62. DON’T: Get caught staring at the “I Love Vagina” tent.

63. And last but certainly not least, NEVER do a shot out of a plastic bag.

The end.