21 Reasons Bearded Men Are Better

The evidence is overwhelming.

1. I can’t believe we even need to have this debate. I mean, just look at this guy.

Via http://Everett%20Collection

2. And this guy.

HBO

4. But OK, let’s build our argument. Throughout history, beards have conferred prestige.

5. And gravitas.

By Matthew Inman.

6. For many of the careers that matter, beards are practically a prerequisite.

7. Plus, bearded men are more attractive. This has been proved by science.

That’s according to a study by the University Of New South Wales. The optimum level of face fuzz was found to be heavy stubble: ten days’ growth.

8. A decent beard can transform a pasty nerd into a rugged hunk.

9. A baby-faced dweeb into a revolutionary.

10. Some random dude into the director of Star Wars.

Everett Collection

11. A tie-wearing nobody into an operatic powerhouse.

12. And a past-his-prime actor…

Into an Oscar winner.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images

13. There are practical benefits too. Growing a beard means you can say good-bye to one of mankind’s most tedious tasks.

14. Other things you can do with a beard? Well, it gives you something to stroke while you’re thinking.

15. You can use it to accentuate your insults.

16. Intimidate your enemies.

17. And enchant women.

18. And if it’s big enough, you can sell advertising on it.

Admittedly not all types of beard are equally desirable.

There are strict rules of etiquette that must be observed.

It’s certainly possible to go too far.

(If you’re not sure where the limit is, this guide should help.)

And, OK, the hirsute look doesn’t work for absolutely everyone.

Plus, once you’ve grown one, it doesn’t always have quite the impact you’d imagined.

19. But still. If you can grow a beard, you should. Pity those poor souls who can’t.

(They can try and fake it, but they’re not fooling anyone.)

20. Truth is, the benefits of having a hairy face are pretty much endless — as any partner of a bearded man will attest.

21. In conclusion, then. Beards, f**k yeah!

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