Retta Is The Only Person You Need To Follow On Twitter

She’s mastered the artform. Sorry, everyone else. posted on

1. This is Retta. She plays Donna on “Parks and Recreation.”

Theo Wargo / Getty Images

2. And she’s amazing.

3. This is Retta on Twitter, @unfoRETTAble.

She’s perfect, and you should follow her.

4. Retta is comfortable in her own skin.

Stopped 4 a Thai massage on the way home and dude was so deep widdit I actually let out an audible "Get it son!" He did not understand me.

5. She’s self-aware.

I need to hurry up and become an American icon before Kenan Thompson leaves SNL.

6. She’s honest.

Who else upon hearing mention of kegels in a film immediately begins kegeling? #Guilty" target="_blank">">#Guilty #KeepItTightKeepItRight" target="_blank">">#KeepItTightKeepItRight

7. Like, REALLY honest.

You know it’s freezing when your nips hurt. I could cut glass with these things.

8. But most importantly, Retta is the QUEEN of livetweeting.

9. She watches “Smash.”


Derek says he wants something raw and OF COURSE Karen thinks to call Too Angry 4 Life Frick & Dead Arms Frack. #PuhLease" target="_blank">">#PuhLease #SMASH" target="_blank">">#SMASH

I saw Gypsy at a community theater in Temecula and it had more sex appeal than this number. This 2-step is NOT arousing. #SMASH" target="_blank">">#SMASH

Um, when did they rehearse ANY of this???? #TheVampireDiaries" target="_blank">">#TheVampireDiaries is more believable than this episode of #SMASH." target="_blank">">#SMASH.

13. She watches “Girls.”


Omigod sex in a graveyard w/a 19 year-old wearing denim shorts is 2 of my sex nightmares rolled into 1!! #GIRLS" target="_blank">">#GIRLS

How MANY times am I gonna have to see Hannah pee in this episode? #GIRLS" target="_blank">">#GIRLS

If Jessa was my friend (she’d never be) & left me at her dad’s raggedy ass crib after shaming me into eating bunny meat, I’d cut her. #GIRLS" target="_blank">">#GIRLS

17. She watches “Scandal.”


Mellie ain’t slick. Her scheming is going to come back and bite her in her conniving ass. #SCANDAL" target="_blank">">#SCANDAL

Careful Fitz. U gon’ burn a hole through Liv’s dress if u keep staring like that. Or is that what you’re hoping? Too late sucka. #SCANDAL" target="_blank">">#SCANDAL

Ima need Huck to shower. #SCANDAL" target="_blank">">#SCANDAL

21. She watches “The Walking Dead.”


I feel like one-eye coulda done a better job with that eye patch. #Lazy" target="_blank">">#Lazy #TheWalkingDead" target="_blank">">#TheWalkingDead

Why Rick so stubborn? Y’all gon need some back up son + all the other black folk on the show are dead. Help a bruthuh out. #MoNegroesPlease" target="_blank">">#MoNegroesPlease

Just b/c it’s end of days don’t mean we should be racially insensitive. #KoreanNotChinese" target="_blank">">#KoreanNotChinese #TheWalkingDead" target="_blank">">#TheWalkingDead

25. She watches “Downton Abbey.”


Aw shit! Mr. Bates lookin’ dapper like a muhfuhkuh. #SayWord" target="_blank">">#SayWord #DowntonAbbey" target="_blank">">#DowntonAbbey

LOLOLOLOL Omigod did the earl just say that the lads at Eton were ‘bout it, ‘bout it?!?!?! #OverHereRolling" target="_blank">">#OverHereRolling #ICant" target="_blank">">#ICant #DowntonAbbey" target="_blank">">#DowntonAbbey

If this fool doesn’t stop w/ this ridiculous dining room tutorial of cricket …someone’s gonna crack his “delicate but strong” ass. #Downton" target="_blank">">#Downton

29. She watches “The Vampire Diaries.”

The CW

“What’s Aramaic?” Oh Jeremy. If y’all went to as many classes as ya do dances you’d know the answer to that. #TheVampireDiaries" target="_blank">">#TheVampireDiaries

Wow this dude’s got ALL KINDS of gadgets. He’s the Bruce Wayne of vamp hunters. #TheVampireDiaries" target="_blank">">#TheVampireDiaries

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU??????? Did this bitch just- I’m at a loss, I can’t even, was he wearing, WHAAAAAT?!?! #TheVampireDiaries" target="_blank">">#TheVampireDiaries

33. Following Retta is like watching TV with Retta.

And she’s probably not going to come over and watch TV with you, so this is the next best thing.

35. Just remember, she doesn’t want to hear your complaints.

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