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Retta Is The Only Person You Need To Follow On Twitter

She’s mastered the artform. Sorry, everyone else.

1. This is Retta. She plays Donna on “Parks and Recreation.”

Theo Wargo / Getty Images

2. And she’s amazing.

3. This is Retta on Twitter, @unfoRETTAble.

She’s perfect, and you should follow her.

4. Retta is comfortable in her own skin.


Stopped 4 a Thai massage on the way home and dude was so deep widdit I actually let out an audible “Get it son!” He did not understand me.— Retta

5. She’s self-aware.


I need to hurry up and become an American icon before Kenan Thompson leaves SNL.— Retta

6. She’s honest.

Who else upon hearing mention of kegels in a film immediately begins kegeling? #Guilty #KeepItTightKeepItRight

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Who else upon hearing mention of kegels in a film immediately begins kegeling? #Guilty #KeepItTightKeepItRight— Retta

7. Like, REALLY honest.

You know it’s freezing when your nips hurt. I could cut glass with these things.

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

You know it’s freezing when your nips hurt. I could cut glass with these things.— Retta

8. But most importantly, Retta is the QUEEN of livetweeting.

9. She watches “Smash.”

NBC

Derek says he wants something raw and OF COURSE Karen thinks to call Too Angry 4 Life Frick & Dead Arms Frack. #PuhLease #SMASH

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Derek says he wants something raw and OF COURSE Karen thinks to call Too Angry 4 Life Frick & Dead Arms Frack. #PuhLease
#SMASH— Retta

I saw Gypsy at a community theater in Temecula and it had more sex appeal than this number. This 2-step is NOT arousing. #SMASH

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

I saw Gypsy at a community theater in Temecula and it had more sex appeal than this number. This 2-step is NOT arousing. #SMASH— Retta

Um, when did they rehearse ANY of this???? #TheVampireDiaries is more believable than this episode of #SMASH.

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Um, when did they rehearse ANY of this???? #TheVampireDiaries is more believable than this episode of #SMASH.— Retta

13. She watches “Girls.”

HBO

Omigod sex in a graveyard w/a 19 year-old wearing denim shorts is 2 of my sex nightmares rolled into 1!! #GIRLS

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Omigod sex in a graveyard w/a 19 year-old wearing denim shorts is 2 of my sex nightmares rolled into 1!! #GIRLS— Retta

How MANY times am I gonna have to see Hannah pee in this episode? #GIRLS

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

How MANY times am I gonna have to see Hannah pee in this episode? #GIRLS— Retta

If Jessa was my friend (she’d never be) & left me at her dad’s raggedy ass crib after shaming me into eating bunny meat, I’d cut her. #GIRLS

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

If Jessa was my friend (she’d never be) & left me at her dad’s raggedy ass crib after shaming me into eating bunny meat, I’d cut her. #GIRLS— Retta

17. She watches “Scandal.”

NBC

Mellie ain’t slick. Her scheming is going to come back and bite her in her conniving ass. #SCANDAL

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Mellie ain’t slick. Her scheming is going to come back and bite her in her conniving ass. #SCANDAL— Retta

Careful Fitz. U gon’ burn a hole through Liv’s dress if u keep staring like that. Or is that what you’re hoping? Too late sucka. #SCANDAL

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Careful Fitz. U gon’ burn a hole through Liv’s dress if u keep staring like that. Or is that what you’re hoping? Too late sucka. #SCANDAL— Retta

Ima need Huck to shower. #SCANDAL

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Ima need Huck to shower. #SCANDAL— Retta

21. She watches “The Walking Dead.”

AMC

I feel like one-eye coulda done a better job with that eye patch. #Lazy #TheWalkingDead

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

I feel like one-eye coulda done a better job with that eye patch.

#Lazy

#TheWalkingDead— Retta

Why Rick so stubborn? Y’all gon need some back up son + all the other black folk on the show are dead. Help a bruthuh out. #MoNegroesPlease

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Why Rick so stubborn? Y’all gon need some back up son + all the other black folk on the show are dead. Help a bruthuh out. #MoNegroesPlease— Retta

Just b/c it’s end of days don’t mean we should be racially insensitive. #KoreanNotChinese #TheWalkingDead

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Just b/c it’s end of days don’t mean we should be racially insensitive.

#KoreanNotChinese

#TheWalkingDead— Retta

25. She watches “Downton Abbey.”

PBS

Aw shit! Mr. Bates lookin’ dapper like a muhfuhkuh. #SayWord #DowntonAbbey

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Aw shit! Mr. Bates lookin’ dapper like a muhfuhkuh.

#SayWord

#DowntonAbbey— Retta

LOLOLOLOL Omigod did the earl just say that the lads at Eton were ‘bout it, ‘bout it?!?!?! #OverHereRolling #ICant #DowntonAbbey

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

LOLOLOLOL

Omigod did the earl just say that the lads at Eton were ‘bout it, ‘bout it?!?!?!

#OverHereRolling #ICant
#DowntonAbbey— Retta

If this fool doesn’t stop w/ this ridiculous dining room tutorial of cricket …someone’s gonna crack his “delicate but strong” ass. #Downton

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

If this fool doesn’t stop w/ this ridiculous dining room tutorial of cricket …someone’s gonna crack his “delicate but strong” ass. #Downton— Retta

29. She watches “The Vampire Diaries.”

The CW

“What’s Aramaic?” Oh Jeremy. If y’all went to as many classes as ya do dances you’d know the answer to that. #TheVampireDiaries

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

“What’s Aramaic?”

Oh Jeremy. If y’all went to as many classes as ya do dances you’d know the answer to that.

#TheVampireDiaries— Retta

Wow this dude’s got ALL KINDS of gadgets. He’s the Bruce Wayne of vamp hunters. #TheVampireDiaries

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

Wow this dude’s got ALL KINDS of gadgets. He’s the Bruce Wayne of vamp hunters. #TheVampireDiaries— Retta

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU??????? Did this bitch just- I’m at a loss, I can’t even, was he wearing, WHAAAAAT?!?! #TheVampireDiaries

— Retta (@unfoRETTAble)

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU???????

Did this bitch just-

I’m at a loss, I can’t even, was he wearing, WHAAAAAT?!?!

#TheVampireDiaries— Retta

33. Following Retta is like watching TV with Retta.

And she’s probably not going to come over and watch TV with you, so this is the next best thing.

35. Just remember, she doesn’t want to hear your complaints.

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