1. The desperation you feel when you realize you’ve lost your remote.
PLEASE. SOMEONE HELP. ANYONE.
2. The panic that ensues when you realize your phone battery just dropped below 20% and your charger is ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS.
3. The constant battle between laziness and hunger.
Who will win today?
4. The fact that your bladder is always the ultimate buzzkill.
5. The annoyance of someone knocking on your door.
Literally not answering.
6. The disappointment of ever having to put on pants.
7. Creating a makeshift blanket out of your discarded candy wrappers because you don’t want to get up to get a blanket when you’re cold.
8. Trying to decide how to cancel plans when people ask you to hang out.
9. Contemplating using your shirt as a Kleenex in order to avoid going and getting one.
It’s not gross, it’s convenient.
10. The struggle of being tired and wanting to go to bed but also not wanting to move.
11. The sadness you feel when you’re reading on the couch and it gets dark so you have to turn on the light but it’s out of your reach.
12. The horror of lying down, browsing Twitter, and then dropping your phone on your face.
13. Choosing to lie in crumbs because you don’t want to eat at a table because that’s too much damn work.
14. The horrifying moment when you realize your groceries are running low and you’ll have to restock soon.
WHY GOD, WHY?
15. And the pure joy you experience the first time you realize you could even get your groceries delivered.
LOL NEVER LEAVING AGAIN.
16. Feeling guilty about being lazy, but not guilty enough to actually do anything.
17. The absolute nightmare when your cable or internet goes out.
MY LIFE IS OVVVEEERRRR.
18. The struggle of trying to entertain your pet while not moving at all.
19. Having to gently explain to someone who wants to sit on the couch with you that you’re not fucking interested.
I only have time for one relationship…and it’s with my couch.
20. Getting excited for a three day weekend because you know it means more couch time.
My body is ready.