23 Things Every Couch Potato Will Understand

You’re probably reading this from your couch right now.

1. The desperation you feel when you realize you’ve lost your remote.

Cartoon Network


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2. The panic that ensues when you realize your phone battery just dropped below 20% and your charger is ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS.

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3. The constant battle between laziness and hunger.


Who will win today?

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4. The fact that your bladder is always the ultimate buzzkill.

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5. The annoyance of someone knocking on your door.


Literally not answering.

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6. The disappointment of ever having to put on pants.

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7. Creating a makeshift blanket out of your discarded candy wrappers because you don’t want to get up to get a blanket when you’re cold.

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8. Trying to decide how to cancel plans when people ask you to hang out.

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I have…RABIES!!

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9. Contemplating using your shirt as a Kleenex in order to avoid going and getting one.

It’s not gross, it’s convenient.

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10. The struggle of being tired and wanting to go to bed but also not wanting to move.

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11. The sadness you feel when you’re reading on the couch and it gets dark so you have to turn on the light but it’s out of your reach.

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12. The horror of lying down, browsing Twitter, and then dropping your phone on your face.

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13. Choosing to lie in crumbs because you don’t want to eat at a table because that’s too much damn work.

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14. The horrifying moment when you realize your groceries are running low and you’ll have to restock soon.

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15. And the pure joy you experience the first time you realize you could even get your groceries delivered.


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16. Feeling guilty about being lazy, but not guilty enough to actually do anything.

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17. The absolute nightmare when your cable or internet goes out.

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18. The struggle of trying to entertain your pet while not moving at all.

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19. Having to gently explain to someone who wants to sit on the couch with you that you’re not fucking interested.

I only have time for one relationship…and it’s with my couch.

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20. Getting excited for a three day weekend because you know it means more couch time.

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My body is ready.

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21. The amount of concentration it takes to balance a plate of food on your stomach.

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22. The difficulty of trying to to walk after you were lying down for 12 hours.

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23. And, being exhausted from doing absolutely nothing all day.

:: lies back down ::

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