1. The “Pity Invite Dinner”
Your friends invite you to dinner with their S.O.’s. They all sit next to each other and you’re just kind of there. Then they start trying to talk you into meeting one of their friends. Then they start bringing up inside jokes. Then you start wondering what you should watch on Netflix when you get home.
2. The “I Just Want To Watch This Movie, Please Stop Sucking Face” Experience
You go the movies purposely choosing the least romantic movie. You get inside and are suddenly surrounded by couples. GTFO, COUPLES. There’s no need for you to be holding hands right now. It’s not even romantic.
3. The “Would You Mind If I Gave Away Your Plus One Spot To Someone Else” Wedding Invite
You show up to the wedding sans a S.O. because as your dear friend so lovingly pointed out, you had no one to bring. You drink too much champagne during each slow song and are standing literally right in front of the bride during the bouquet toss and it still misses you and hits the married lady in the head. She laughs as you contemplate crying but decide on a piece of cake instead.
4. The “My Family Won’t Stop Asking Me If I’ve Met Someone” Family Gathering
If I had met someone, you would all be the first to know because I’m dying for you to leave me alone about this. I know how old I am, and I’m fully aware how old you were when you got married. TIMES HAVE CHANGED, GRANDMA.
5. The “Everyone Needs Their S.O.’s Opinions While Shopping” Experience
You walk into a store and see them all. They’re just standing around, giving their loving opinions. “You look great, babe!” You decide that you don’t want anything and leave, trying to avoid the couple cuddling over by the hats.
6. The “You Are So In Love You Decided To Reproduce And You Don’t Even Have Alcohol Here” Baby Shower
I’m single, and you asked me to come here with all of your married friends, and you don’t have booze? Unacceptable. I just had to listen to you all talk about breastfeeding. Where’s the VODKA?
7. The “I Literally Cannot Escape My Single Status” Vacation
You could be in the middle of the Rocky Mountains and you’ll still run into a couple on their honeymoon. They ask you to take their picture and they look into each other’s eyes before kissing. They ask if you’re there alone. You decide you’re having ice cream for dinner.
8. The “Look What My S.O. Got Me For This Holiday” Moment
Another holiday, another chance for all of your friends in relationships to talk incessantly about being in said relationship. Presents, dates, thoughtful cards…the works. SHUTUP.
9. The “I Finally Get To See My Favorite Band But This Couple Slow Dancing Is Blocking My View” Concert
You waited months to see this band. You finally scored tickets and looked forward to it for weeks. You arrive. You scan the perimeter. So far, so good. Then they arrive. They came in late and squeezed by you. You think to yourself, “please not in front of me, please not in front of me.” They sit in front of you and the kissing begins.
10. The “I Love Brunch So Much Until My Favorite Spot Becomes The New Hangout For Couples”
Who doesn’t love brunch? Weekend brunch was your favorite part of life…until the couples started coming. There you were, trying to enjoy your huevos rancheros as you were painfully reminded that not only did you spend Friday and Saturday night alone, you also didn’t have someone lovingly wipe the ketchup from your mouth.
11. The “I’m Close To Death And Need Someone To Take Care Of Me” Sickness
When you’re sick and you no longer live with your parents, having a S.O. is the next best thing. They basically HAVE to take care of you and love you even when you have snot literally dripping out of your nose. When you’re single you just have to take care of yourself. And it’s haaaaarrrdddd.
12. The “I Just Moved And I Don’t Have Anyone To Help Me Assemble This IKEA Furniture” Moment
Well what the hell am I supposed to do now? I can’t do this BY MYSELF.