1. You’re under a lot of pressure to dress either sexy or clever.
Either way, Halloween isn’t really about being scary so much as it is about trying to get people to like you.
2. You could spend days working on a funny costume, only to discover that the entire internet has gotten to it first.
There are only so many good memes in a year.
3. Everybody has a Halloween party, and everyone will be mad if you don’t come to theirs.
Over 50% of millennials are throwing or attending a Halloween party. It’s like everyone’s birthday is the same weekend.
4. If you aren’t invited to any Halloween parties, you get a nice reminder of your unending loneliness.
5. Having to awkwardly guess what someone’s super clever sexy Halloween costume is.
You’re Life of Pi, right? Right?
6. People suddenly thinking that these kinds of car pranks are hilarious, instead of genuinely troubling to see when you’re driving.
You know the best time to see realistic body parts in a place they shouldn’t be? When you’re driving 65 mph behind them.
7. Eating candy corn, and being afraid to admit that you think candy corn actually tastes like sugar poops.
GET AN ACTUAL FLAVOR, CANDY CORN.
8. If anyone at a party is wearing body paint, that body paint is getting EVERYWHERE.
If you come to someone’s home dressed like this, you are a bad friend.
9. Seeing people’s super upset cats dressed in costumes.
Aren’t cats just inherently dressed for Halloween?
10. Haunted houses are about paying someone to traumatize you.
Have you seen my student loan payments? I have enough to be scared of. Being scared is like my full-time job. I do not need to pay additional money to be scared.
11. That goes double for scary movies screening in the background at parties.
Come on parties, you’re terrifying enough.
12. Halloween decorations are actually disgusting.
That’s the good fake rat, we only put that out for guests.
13. When you’re at any Halloween party in costume, you will slowly sweat to death.
What are you going to do, take it off? Are you even wearing anything underneath that?
14. You have to worry if today is the day you’ll find a razor blade in your candy.
15. Candy loses all of its joy and specialness.
We do not need to celebrate candy. Candy is everywhere. Candy is legion.
16. Even real food that is Halloween themed is INTENTIONALLY DISGUSTING.
I don’t want roaches in my food, that’s a little too real.
17. Pumpkin carving parties are actually just a bunch of drunk people holding knives hacking inexpertly at tough objects.
This year, you’re dressing up as Guy In The Emergency Room Without Health Insurance!
18. You will be trying to remove your Halloween makeup until Thanksgiving.
You’re that guy whose face is covered in zits, that’s just your life now.
19. The roaches will get into your rotting pumpkin, and why wouldn’t they?
It’s funny because your decorative bugs will be replaced by real bugs.
20. If your actual birthday is anywhere near Halloween, your birthday party always ends up Halloween themed.
Though you can never have too many Ghostbusters birthday parties.
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