1. This blasphemer:
The LOL-terpretation: “I’m just so horny right now (with the) Light Of Lord”
2. This guy who thinks creepy and fun are synonyms:
The LOL-terpretation: “…i know that sounds creepy…i think its just fun Like On Live (cams except this is is cheaper for me cause Skype is free)”
3. This sailboat owner:
The LOL-terpretation: “Wanna see some abs? (They’ll be phenomenal cause I’m) Living On Largely (the power of Photoshop) ;)”
4. This guy who can’t take a joke:
The LOL-terpretation: “Really? (I was) Left Out (of) Learning (opportunities that would have prevented me from asking a stranger about anal)”
5. The future Mr. Clean:
The LOL-terpretation:“Mmm I’m so hard (for the way you) Linger On Lime (scale buildup when you clean your shower)”
6. This morning person:
The LOL-terpretation: “Good cause I’m just waking up and you know what that means Lilliputian On (top of chronically being) Limp”
7. This scientist:
The LOL-terpretation: “So are you a virgin? Leave (it to me) Official (virgin expert to) Logically (use science to deduce that) you act like one”
8. This social media addict:
The LOL-terpretation: “Hey I can see u liked me snapchat (of) Liza (Minelli’s) Ostentatious Lucille (2 Halloween costume)”
9. This Honors student:
The LOL-terpretation: “do u have a boy friend just woundering Legitimately (your) Opinion (on what I could do to) Lure (one of my own)”
10. This future nurse:
The LOL-terpretation: “its not like were gonna be doing naughty things Like (eating fresh) Oven (baked) Lasagna…or would we j/k”
11. This master of segues:
The LOL-terpretation: “I am a sexual person Like Our (16th President Babraham) Lincoln are you”
12. This guy looking for the One:
The LOL-terpretation: “Love how you ignored my comment of your turning me on Like (all) Other Ladies (on Tinder)”
13. This guy who just needs a quick favor:
The LOL-terpretation: “Okay. Me sad. Could you consider it a favor? Looking (at my dick is) Often (a hardship for most) Lizards (and people)”
14. This guy who is all about the hard sell:
The LOL-terpretation: “I’m good. Horny ;) Largely (because of sexual fanart) Of (The) Lion (King that I just googled). You?”
- Kids in California schools can no longer be opted out of vaccination on religious or personal grounds under a new law.
- New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who has faced political fallout from the "Bridgegate" scandal, is running for president. He's the 14th Republican in the race.
- Misty Copeland has become the first black female principal dancer in American Ballet Theater's 75-year history.
- And Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have decided to divorce after 10 years of marriage. ?