1. I have a glass of wine in my hand and Cersei is in prison. Life is good.
2. I forgot how mad at Theon I am.
3. Intro time = refilling my glass and mentally preparing myself for the producers to break my heart.
4. "I killed my father, Tywin Lannister, with a bow to the heart." I feel like we should mention that he was taking a shit and literally at his most vulnerable.
5. "She was eventually sold off to some warlord." YOU MEAN KHAL DROGO BAE OF ALL THE LAND.
6. I'm sorry but Missandei's abs are really distracting in this scene.
7. "He is in love with you, I think," finally someone calling Jorah's thirsty ass out.
8. Honestly, can Tyrion just be my life coach though?
9. These sparrow nuns are some stone cold bitches.
10. When Cersei gets out she's going to burn that place to the ground.
11. I'm confused. Why is Arya walking around dressed like Princess Leia?
12. OK, now I'm in the mood for oysters.
13. I need to follow this storyline but I'm kinda just thinking about food now.
14. Jaqen H'ghar would be so much hotter if he didn't speak in third person.
15. Oh, is good ol' Uncle Kevan going to save the day for Cersei?
16. Also, how happy is Grandma Tyrell now that Cersei's chilling in a cell?
17. "He remains in his chambers," — so Tommen is laying in his bed in a pool of his own pee.
18. That one Sparrow nun has a resting bitch face like I've never seen before.
19. I wouldn't have just asked Theon "Why?" when he walked in, I would have added a slap.
20. Yes Sansa, your bros are alive (but MIA this season so I'm not getting my hopes up for a fam reunion any time soon).
21. "I'm not Theon, I'm Reek!" He just yelled that like a teen who's trying to make their mom call them by their new nickname.
22. But can we turn some lights on/light some candles for just ONE scene in this show?
23. Obviously Ramsay wants to go to battle so he can get his sick fix of killing.
24. "I don't need an army, I need 20 good men." OK, getting cocky.
35. OK, Dany, you and Tyrion are chilling/getting drunk together, so don't pretend like you don't wanna be pals.
36. Can we stop saying Dany is going to marry this random guy? It's not happening.
37. Also, is Varys still making his merry way there?
38. Dany's eyebrows are up there with Cara Delevingne's.
29. Jorah, bruh, you are just not getting the hint.
30. Honestly, I'm over Jorah. He's way too needy. Sorry.
31. OK I hate Cersei, but watching her suck water off the ground is a little much.
32. I bet she's wishing she didn't raise such a mama's boy right about now.
33. OH SHIT. I forgot Sam got laid last week!
34. "How are you?" Gilly, that's Sam code for: "I'd like to talk about my feelings now."
35. Olly's trying to talk about the wildlings and Sam's like, "Remember that time I killed a White Walker!?"
36. I miss Ygritte.
37. At least she and Jon are dating IRL.
38. OH shit. Tormund opening a can of whoop-ass on the bone man.
39. Cue: "I'm a boss ass bitch, bitch..." after that Tormund ass-kicking scene.
40. The giant chilling in the corner of this hut is throwing some major shade at Jon.
41. Jon how about you give them some CONTEXT before you say you put an arrow through their leader's heart!
42. Who's this cute wildling mom? She'll prob die soon if I like her.
43. Wait, is the wildling mom the German villain lady in Pitch Perfect 2?!
44. OMG he just shut the gates on all those people?! What a dick.
45. WHAT IN THE HELL IS HAPPENING THOUGH.
46. Oh yeah, now everyone wants on dat boat.
47. Thank god the zombies in The Walking Dead aren't as agile as these White Walkers.
48. Honestly, these White Walkers are freaking triathletes!
49. Also, I feel like this whole White Walker thing escalated VERY quickly.
50. Jon, now is not the time to look thoughtfully toward the mountain/dead horsemen.
51. OK but we've got like three pieces of dragon glass, how much is that gonna do?
52. Oh yeah, this old, strangely composed White Walker dude isn't gonna go down easy.
53. C'mon Jon, if Sam can do it, you can!
54. This White Walker has passed up on a few kill shots for Jon though.
55. When that sword worked they both were like, "Whaaaa?"
56. OMG these White Walker kids are the stuff of nightmares.
57. HOW MANY WHITE WALKERS ARE THERE, THOUGH.
58. I'm so sad that wildling mom died.
59. The giant keeps ripping White Walkers off him like he's swatting mosquitos.
60. Is their leader like a mix of a Vulcan and a White Walker or wut?
61. That scary moment when the White Walkers can win/lose/die and they still double the size of their army...
62. COME. AT. ME. BRO. —White Walker leader to Jon Snow.
63. Welp, moral of this week: We're all fucked.
64. BUT WAIT. IS WINTER FINALLY HERE???