1.Just walking around being so dumb, morning til night, every day of the week.
2.Going to bars alone like a fuckin' chump.
3.Crying so much all the time that they've already made enough salt for every McDonald's in the tri-state area, for a whole year.
4.Hearing your name (or even a name that just sounds kind of like it, like the same first letter) and being reminded what a colossally dumb airhead they are.
5.Regretting everything they do, because every time they have to make a decision, they make the stupidest one.
6.Being so bad at life that it's amazing they even have a job, honestly.
7.Being just a dim, dim, fluffy baby dog of a person.
8.Embarrassing themselves constantly by being soooooo annoying and weird.
9.Turning everything and everyone they touch into rotting garbage, like some kind of shithead King Midas.
10.Dying of boredom in every new relationship they'll ever have because nobody will ever, ever be as clever and smart and charming as you.
11.Realizing that everything you ever told them was so right and so true, and now it's too late.
12.Cry-singing along to "Let It Go" every night until their downstairs neighbors bang on the ceiling with a broom handle.
13.Being constantly recognized out as the literal worst human on the entire planet Earth.
