25 Reasons Why Moving Totally Sucks

Never. Moving. AGAIN.

1. The apartment search. Why is everyone on Craigslist looking for a submissive female roommate?

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2. The apartments that look great in the ads…

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…But look like THIS when you get there:

Poop stains on the light switch?! Franzia strewn EVERYWHERE? A BOX OF WOODEN DILDOS? Oh, the trauma.

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3. The real estate agents you work with all have convincing ads like this:

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4. Or credentials like this:

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5. You have to remember to cancel all of your utilities, and to start all of your new ones.

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6. You assume packing will be easy, so you lounge around and put it off until the last minute.

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7. You think you don’t have much stuff, but you’re TOTALLY WRONG. You have SO. MUCH. SHIT.

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9. You will inevitably uncover old photos and meaningful objects.

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10. …Before you know it, you’ve wasted 5 hours emotionally reminiscing.

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11. You have no idea how the fuck to disassemble any of your furniture.

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12. Nothing ever fits through the door.

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13. Each trip to the dumpster is painful.

You feel both wasteful AND sad about parting with your things. Also they’re heavy and you have to carry them.

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14. DIRE MOVING INJURIES are bound to happen.

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15. Some of your friends are eager to help you move…

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16. But they’re not the most careful people.

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17. …Nor the most efficient.

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18. When you’re finally done moving everything out, you have to CLEAN.

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19. You’re annoyed that it was dirtier than this when you moved in.

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20. At your new place, nothing fits, AGAIN.

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21. Half of your stuff broke on the drive over.

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22. Suddenly NOTHING in your new place is working.

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23. You have to replace and buy ALL THE THINGS.

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24. Instead of your old security deposit, you receive THIS:

Actual letter from my old landlord.

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25. You experience renter’s remorse and feel terribly sorry for yourself.

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At least you’re not homeless (yet).

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