1. The apartment search. Why is everyone on Craigslist looking for a submissive female roommate?
…But look like THIS when you get there:
Poop stains on the light switch?! Franzia strewn EVERYWHERE? A BOX OF WOODEN DILDOS? Oh, the trauma.
3. The real estate agents you work with all have convincing ads like this:
5. You have to remember to cancel all of your utilities, and to start all of your new ones.
6. You assume packing will be easy, so you lounge around and put it off until the last minute.
7. You think you don’t have much stuff, but you’re TOTALLY WRONG. You have SO. MUCH. SHIT.
9. You will inevitably uncover old photos and meaningful objects.
10. …Before you know it, you’ve wasted 5 hours emotionally reminiscing.
11. You have no idea how the fuck to disassemble any of your furniture.
13. Each trip to the dumpster is painful.
You feel both wasteful AND sad about parting with your things. Also they’re heavy and you have to carry them.
18. When you’re finally done moving everything out, you have to CLEAN.
19. You’re annoyed that it was dirtier than this when you moved in.
21. Half of your stuff broke on the drive over.
23. You have to replace and buy ALL THE THINGS.
24. Instead of your old security deposit, you receive THIS:
Actual letter from my old landlord.
25. You experience renter’s remorse and feel terribly sorry for yourself.
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