1. 1) Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Saved Us All
There were high expectations for this pairing; could Amy and Tina rescue us?
They did! Their monologue was funny, without being insanely evil (Gervais had trouble achieving that balance during his second outing last year). The video of the monologue is below, but my three favorite moments were these, in order. 1) Amy on Kathryn Bigelow and the Zero Dark Thirty controversies: “When it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.” 2) Tina to Anne Hathaway about how much she loved her in Les Miserables: “I have not seen someone so totally alone and abandoned like that since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars.” 3) Tina: “Quentin Tarantino is here, the star of all my sexual nightmares.”
Poehler and Fey went above and beyond, which award-show hosts never really do (except for the Tonys); they actually worked at this job. The running joke about their fake movie, Dog President? Hilarious! For a comprehensive list, Whitney Jefferson has compiled their 16 best moments here, ending with the kicker: “We’re going home with Jodie Foster.” Which brings us to…
5. 2) Jodie Foster!
I wrote about Foster’s show-stoppingly opaque coming out in more depth after it happened. It was brave, it was so odd, it was pissed off. People will be talking about it for years. And I can’t remember when something actually newsworthy happened at the Golden Globes, nor any awards ceremony. But you guys! Can we think about how impossible something like this would have seemed 20 years ago? Even if she was telling us it’s not news? “I already did my coming out, about a thousand years ago, back in the Stone Age.” Okay, Jodie, yes — but you must think it matters or else you wouldn’t have done it. It matters; so thank you.
7. 3) Bill Clinton Presents “Lincoln”
According to Deadline, Steven Spielberg arranged this absolutely surprising appearance. He got a standing ovation, which I understand; but mostly, I was worrying about what parties he’d be attending later. And is Hillary fine now, health-wise?
9. 4) … and then Amy Poehler called him “Hillary Clinton’s husband.” And Tina Fey called him “Bill Rodham Clinton.”
10. 5) Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig
Seeing funny presenters — and there were an unusual number at the Globes Sunday — makes me so pathetically… grateful. Why can’t it be like this, always? Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell pretending they’ve seen these movies — just watch it again. (And be thankful you’re not watching the Megan Fox/Jonah Hill pairing; or the Sylvester Stallone/Arnold Schwarzenegger banter.)
12. 6) Adele’s Happiness
There are people like Tommy Lee Jones who just seem angry to be at the Globes (here he is). And there are people who are too excited to win, like Anne Hathaway, because of what it means for their Oscar chances (I can only assume that’s why — because people know the Globes are a joke, right?). But then Adele won for “Skyfall,” and she was just so happy. Who can begrudge her.
13. 7) And Then There’s Anne Hathaway
I really don’t want to write anything bad about her here. People are so mean about Anne Hathaway, always. She is an incredibly talented actress; and I thought she was stunning in Les Misérables. I just find that she cannot get out of her own way in these situations, beginning with her saying “blergh” and ending when she stopped talking/heavy breathing. I still want her to win the Oscar, and I still will see her in any movie.
15. 8) Nervous Lena Dunham
How did such a normal person get this famous? It continues to be a mystery at which we can marvel. We saw her nerves in the form of her shaky hand when she won for Best Actress in a Comedy for Girls. She played her speeches straight — and by telling her fellow nominees that they’d “gotten me through middle school,” she gave Poehler and Fey a gift they threw back as a grenade, Eve Harrington-style. As it should be. (Tina: “Congratulations, Lena! Glad we got you through middle school. Middle school!?!”)
17. 9) Sending “Homeland” the Wrong Message
This voting body didn’t even see fit to nominate Mad Men. Meaning, they are batshit. And reasonable people can disagree about Season 2 of Homeland; I stated my case against in my 29 Worst Moments of Season 2 story. But I will tell you, I was chilled to the bone by the stated idea that these Golden Globe wins — for the show, Claire Danes, and Damian Lewis — tells these people they’re on the right track and everything is awesome! Executive producer Alex Gansa: “This award tells me that maybe, maybe we just didn’t screw it up.” And Claire Danes: “I want to thank our writers, who didn’t buckle under the pressure of the success of the first season…. You make such great choices, so relentlessly.” No! No! No!
19. 10) Aziz Ansari: Confusing
Aziz Ansari: always a mixed bag for me. On the red carpet, he refused to do the “mani-cam — which, thank you, Aziz. But why did he call Lena Dunham “Lisa” when he was presenting the award she won? Is that funny? Was it a mistake? He definitely called Christian Dior, the designer of his suit, “Kevin” by accident. Which truly is funny. Not on purpose. But then I did laugh at his “that’s racist” dance move. I just don’t know.
21. 11) Diddy and Sienna Miller Are… Friends?
And apparently dated, which I had blocked out. We were reminded of this bizarre fact because of his interrupting her during her red carpet interview. And what does she call him? “Chi-Chi – and I’m the Baby Chi-Chi.” (No, I don’t know if that’s spelled correctly.) Goodnight!