1. “Don’t you know 50% of marriages end in divorce?”
Thanks for pointing that out. Are you going to tell me my chances of getting cancer next?
2. “What’s the point of even getting married anymore?”
Um, I dunno. Maybe because we wanted to commit to each other more than just living together?
3. “Do you ever worry about your spouse divorcing you and taking half your stuff?”
Right. Because “stuff” is what I got married for.
4. “Do you think you’ll be married forever?”
Forever? No, because eventually one of us will die. Thanks for reminding me of that.
5. “Are you more like brother and sister at this point?”
I certainly hope brothers and sisters aren’t doing what we did last night.
6. “Do you still find your spouse attractive?”
Are you being serious right now?
7. “Do you even hang out with your single friends any more?”
No, they’re dead to us. But we’re hoping they’ll get married one day so we can see them again. ::eye roll::
8. “You really think this is the person you want to be with the rest of your life?”
Well if I didn’t then saying “I do” was a stupid thing to do, don’t you think?
9. “Do you ever think about sex with your spouse’s brother/sister/friends?”
Of course not. (And even if we did we’d never tell you).
10. “Don’t you hate having to run everything by her/him?”
It’s called being respectful since this a partnership. You are seriously getting on my nerves now.
11. “How’s the old ball and chain?”
Ball and chain? Really? What is this? The 1950s?
12. “Do you still have sex?”
::clenches fists until knuckles turn white::
13. “Why did you take/not take his last name?”
Why do people care about this so much? Seriously… I think Prince got asked fewer questions when he changed his name to a symbol.
14. “Did you just get married for the tax benefit?”
Yes. Oh, and to get added to my spouse’s Costco card. ::gives side eye::
15. “Who wears the pants in the family?”
It’s 2014. We both wear pants, thanks.
16. “Is the magic gone?”
Marriage is work, not magic. But do we still love each other? Definitely.
17. “When are you having kids?”
Sorry, I missed the part of the wedding vows that said, “To have and to hold and have a bunch of freaking children.”
18. “Are you going to have any more kids?”
Are you going to keep asking me inane questions?
19. “Do you go to the bathroom in front of each other?”
Ew. Why are you asking us about how we go to the bathroom?
20. “How can you get married when so many people still can’t?”
Because us not getting married solves nothing, and hopefully having a successful marriage will inspire those who want to get married to keep fighting.
21. “Don’t you hate sharing a bank account?”
Actually, it’s pretty damn convenient.
22. “Do you hate your in-laws?”
Are you trying to start a fight between my spouse and me?
23. “Is the seven-year-itch a real thing?”
You’re basically asking if we want to have sex with other people. Not cool.
24. “You must love when the other one is gone for awhile, right?”
Look, we got married to be together. To. Geth. Er.
25. “How do you do it?”
It’s no mystery: We love each other (and put in a lot of work).
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