40 Things Every Self-Respecting Man Over 30 Should Own

You aren’t a kid anymore. So stop acting like one, and start being the grown-azz man you ought to be.

1. A tailored black suit

A plain black suit is an essential part of any man’s wardrobe. Tailoring is also important, because an ill-fitting suit makes you look like you’re playing dress-up.

2. Black dress shoes

OK, maybe not a pair of Tom Ford dress shoes, but something similar. Just remember that you get what you pay for, so invest wisely.

3. Brown dress shoes

You need something to wear with khakis, or that blue (tailored) suit, right?

4. Stocks

Who cares if you know how the market works or not?

5. A tool kit

It doesn’t need to be the most expensive, it just has to have the necessities: hammer, screwdriver (both Phillips and flathead), wrench, pliers, and a tape measure.

6. A nice wallet

If your wallet has any Velcro on it whatsoever, burn it.

7. Cologne, NOT BODY SPRAY

Use sparingly, of course.

8. A watch

Because checking what time it is on your phone is sooo 2011.

9. A proper bed with proper bedding

If you’re still sleeping on a futon, this list may not be for you.

10. A flashlight

Now you see the light.

11. Duct tape

For when that tool kit just seems too difficult.

12. A weekend bag

Throwing your crap in a plastic bag or backpack when heading to Las Vegas won’t cut it anymore.

13. Proper glassware

The essentials being rocks and wine glasses. The rest are for when you finally get that wet bar together.

14. Grooming kit

Those nose hairs aren’t going to trim themselves.

15. Double-hinged wine key

Oh, stop whining and get one already.

16. Multiple towels

If your one towel is cracking, then it’s time to man up and invest in super soft and luxurious spa towels.

17. A chef’s knife

If you own one knife, it better be a chef’s knife. Like shoes, investing in quality is a smarter move. So make sure the blade’s steel runs through the handle.

18. A passport

It’s better to be prepared than disappointed when you win that trip overseas in that radio call-in contest.

19. A flask

See, Derek knows what’s up.

20. Sewing kit

Your mom isn’t going to be around forever to fix the holes in your sweater. Also, if that sweater keeps getting holes, it might be time to get a new sweater.

21. An umbrella

Just in case, ya know?

22. Buy an ironing board, and an iron.

Oh, you don’t have the room? Explain that during your job interview while you squirm in your wrinkled pants and shirt.

23. Jumper cables

I don’t even care if you own a car or not; just own them.

24. Undershirts

And when they start to get yellow in the armpits, toss ‘em.

25. Playing cards

So you can do stuff like this.

26. A lint roller

Just because you have cats doesn’t mean you have to showcase it to the world. Same goes for dandruff.

27. A leatherman

It screams, “Move out the way. I got this.”

28. Sunglasses

Keep it classic with Wayfarers or aviators. No shutter shades, though; your face is not a bay window.

29. A record player

It doesn’t need to be fancy, it just needs to be able to play The Clash’s London Calling without it skipping.

30. Football/soccer ball/basketball, etc.

Just have something that says, “I leave my house occasionally and have a somewhat active lifestyle.” Even darts work.

31. A French press

Nothing says “I love you” more than making your significant other coffee in a French press. If you don’t have a S.O., screw it, more coffee for you, then.

32. Good socks

Basically, no holes, OK?

33. Good underwear

As with socks, if they have holes then they goes. In the trash, that is.

34. A cast-iron skillet

And at least one good recipe to go with it.

35. Multiple sheet sets

With at least a 300-thread count.

36. A bar set

If you’re asking, “Why?” then just move on, because I’m done with you.

37. Matching dishes

Hey, at least they match.

38. A decent car

If you live in a city that necessitates you driving, of course.

39. A solid book collection

Nobody is saying you have to read them all, but just having them speaks volumes.

40. A decent bottle of booze

For when the president comes over, right?

Check this out for some of these items in action:

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