1. Having to shave in the first place.
I mean, who decided that shaving was the de facto setting for men’s faces? Why can’t we let our freaky beard flag fly? And don’t say, “You can!” because I can’t. My wife won’t let me.
2. Looking like you got into a fight with a tiny swordsman.
No matter how old you are and how much experience you have shaving, you will still get nicks from time to time. If the toilet paper treatment isn’t your deal, you can try plain chapstick instead. Trust me, it works wonders.
3. The tough to get spots, like under your nose and chin.
For some reason, the hairs here are harder to get than front row tickets at a One Direction concert (not that I’ve tried, though). Also, the amount of facial gymnastics you have to do when shaving these areas is comical, to say the least.
4. Choosing a shaving cream/butter/oil/etc.
Is it too much to ask for something that doesn’t burn my face off and leave it oily?
5. Trying to figure out how many blades you need in your razor.
Should you get a razor with two blades or three. Four? Five is better than four, right?
6. Also, navigating the world of razor brands and prices.
Are the expensive ones that much better than the cheap ones? Same goes for brand name vs. off-brand. Ugh, this is torture.
7. Committing to a razor only to find out they discontinued the refill blades.
Exactly, Voldemort. Exactly.
8. Walking around with razor burn and ingrown hairs.
“That’s not a hickey, I swear!”
9. Buying an expensive electric razor that you end up never using.
They never save you as much time as you think. That’s why they end up in the back of the cupboard, next to that water pick you never use.
10. Getting 5 o’clock shadow at 2 p.m.
Unless you’re my friend Danny who can shave with a wet paper towel, chances are you will get the “shadow” sometime later in the day after shaving. Unfortunately, you will not look like Hugh Jackman.
11. Realizing at the end of the day that you missed a spot.
You’ve been interacting with people all day with a glaring patch of unshaven hair, and yes, they have noticed.
12. Investing in a straight razor only to realize you are deathly afraid of straight razors.
Or is that just me?
13. The uselessness that is the fogless mirror.
Seriously, these are the worst and you’ve probably owned like three.
14. Dealing with aftershave.
It never feels as refreshing as you think it will, and never smells as good, neither.
15. Forgetting to pack a razor and having to buy/use disposable ones.
Say goodbye to that top layer of skin, buddy.
16. And finally… Being jealous of other gorgeous beards.
Look at that thing; it’s majestical. Even his helmet is like, “Nah, I’m cool up here. I don’t want to compete with that thing.”