1. Your most memorable party moments all involve sitting in a corner and petting the host’s cat.
Art by Gemma Correll.
2. You refuse to date someone if your dog ever growled at them or snubbed them in any way.
3. You can watch intense war dramas without shedding a tear, but if the commercial break involves Sarah McLachlan, you are done for.
4. As a child, you much preferred stuffed animals to human dolls.
5. You consider the ability to have pets in the office a legitimate job perk.
6. When you have to choose between going out with your friends or lying in bed with your pet, the choice is obvious.
7. You side-eye toddlers who won’t stop bothering an animal (and, more importantly, their parents who think it’s cute).
It’s a living thing. It feels things. Control your child!
8. The day in seventh grade where you had to dissect frogs was one of the worst days of your life.
And was the moment you decided you hated all your classmates for being so nonchalant about it.
10. Zoos make you absolutely miserable and you daydream about jumping in and freeing the animals.
11. Growing up, you always felt irrationally envious of cartoon characters with anthropomorphic animal best friends.
And you still totally are.
12. Instead of exchanging watercooler stories, you spend your downtime at work finding ways to get animals to make an appearance.
$20 for 15 minutes of kitten time. WORTH IT.
13. Your versions of reality TV shows are live cams of grizzly bears and corgi puppies.
14. And, every year, you completely alienate yourself from everyone you know by watching the Puppy Bowl instead of the Super Bowl.
15. You’ve turned down prospective roommates solely because they weren’t into getting a pet in the near future.
16. While your friends talk about hypothetical future children, you’re thinking about hypothetical future dogs.
17. You tend to interrupt deep conversations because you just passed by a really cute dog on the street.
Photo from Charley Lhasa.