1. My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti.
2. How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
3. What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?
4. I went to the zoo the other day. It was empty, except for a single dog…
5. What kind of bagel can fly?
6. Where do animals go when their tails fall off?
7. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
8. How does a train eat?
9. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
11. Knock knock.
12. What do you call a cow with no legs?
13. How is imitation like a plateau?
14. So two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…
15. A magician was driving down the street…
16. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?
17. What does Batman get in his drinks?
18. What sport do you play with a wombat?
19. What does a nosy pepper do?
20. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
21. Tried to take a photograph of some fog.
- At least three people – including a police officer – died in a shooting at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs. The suspect is in police custody. ›
- At least 15 people were killed after a suicide bomber attacked a Shiite Muslim procession of hundreds of people in Nigeria. ›
- And how well do you know what happened in the news this week? Take our quiz. ›