1. My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti.
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2. How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
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3. What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?
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4. I went to the zoo the other day. It was empty, except for a single dog…
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5. What kind of bagel can fly?
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6. Where do animals go when their tails fall off?
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7. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
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8. How does a train eat?
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9. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
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11. Knock knock.
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12. What do you call a cow with no legs?
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13. How is imitation like a plateau?
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14. So two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…
15. A magician was driving down the street…
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16. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?
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18. What sport do you play with a wombat?
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20. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
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21. Tried to take a photograph of some fog.
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In The News Today
- After mounting pressure from other European countries, Britain will accept thousands more refugees from UN camps bordering Syria, Prime Minister David Cameron announced. ›
- A Guatemalan judge ordered former President Otto Perez Molina held in jail overnight while hearings over the corruption scandal that led to his resignation take place. ›
- The Justice Dept. has tightened rules on cell phone tracking, forcing federal agencies to get a warrant. ›