1. What happened on last week’s episode again?
2. Someone died. I think? Yeah, someone probably died, but who?
3. God DAMN those opening credits are cool though.
4. This song makes me feel like I’m sitting on the Iron Throne. This is powerful shit.
5. Taking a shit on the Iron Throne. That’d be a powerful shit.
6. I’m going to choreograph a dance to these opening credits and perform them for people and get a standing ovation.
7. I’m not going to really do that, but I will dance around my living room.
8. George R.R. Martin better finish the damn book series.
9. Oh my God, what if he doesn’t finish the next book?! What if he dies before that and we’re left feeling hopeless and alone?!
10. I heard he told the showrunners the ending, but still… WHAT ABOUT THE BOOK?!
11. Cersei’s bitchface is ON POINT tonight.
12. I hope my bitchface looks like that.
13. I don’t know why everyone hates Cersei. I mean, yes, she’s a terrible mother, but she gives zero fucks.
14. I wish I had a chalice to drink wine from.
15. I literally would be happy for the rest of my life if all I was able to do is watch this show.
16. I need more food, but I don’t want to move and miss anything.
18. More wine. I’ll do what Cersei would do.
19. ::: pours wine :::
20. I am definitely Team Cersei.
21. DAMN Daenerys is fierce as fuck.
22. I should grow my hair long. And dye it blonde. Blonde women are badass.
23. I take it back: I’m Team Daenerys.
24. I wish dragons existed in real life.
25. Not really, but it would be cool. I don’t know. Dragons are just cool as fuck.
26. I’d be the mother of all the dragons.
27. How is Sansa still alive at this point?
28. I’m really worried about her.
29. And why is she so obsessed with these lemon cakes?
30. Chocolate > lemon bars
31. You know nothing Jon Snow.
32. Arya’s pixie cut is also ON POINT as usual.
33. I should get a pixie cut.
34. This Hound guy doesn’t seem so bad. Why did I ever think he was bad before?
35. OK, and he just reminded me why he’s so bad.
36. Arya could absolutely kill The Hound at this point.
37. But I don’t think she should, because he seems sweet again.
38. Why did I think The Hound was bad again?
39. Poor Tyrion. I just want my bb to be happy.
40. He is kind of a total badass though.
41. I think he looks sexy with those scars.
42. Do I want to have sex with Peter Dinklage or Tyrion? Both? At the same time?
43. Yup. I want to have sex with Peter Dinklage. DTF the Dink.
44. Kind of shipping Jaime and Brienne so hard right now, TBH.
45. Brienne would be a top.
46. He could do a lot better than Cersei. He could do Brienne.
47. Fake hands aren’t so bad. It’s kind of hot.
48. I would hit that brother D if I was Cersei though, too, TBH.
49. Oh, right, there are White Walkers.
50. What is going on with the White Walkers? Why isn’t anyone worried about them?
51. And the creepy baby zombies?
52. Do the baby zombies grow up to be big zombies?
53. Wait… who was that guy again and why is he important?
54. Literally do not remember this dude.
55. …Oh god, please don’t let anyone get raped this week.
56. OH SWEET SASSY CHRIST. WHAT. JUST. HAPPENED.
58. Anddddd someone got raped. Well.
59. Why is everyone in the Seven Kingdoms such a massive dickhole?!
60. Ugh. STANNIS. No one cares about you. Now I can go get food.
61. ::: gets food and waits an extra minute until Stannis is off screen :::
62. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.
63. HOLY. GUAC-A-MOLE.
64. WAIT. Is she dead? Is this real?!
65. OK. OK. THAT HAPPENED.
66. My body was NOT ready for this week’s episode.
67. I’m really glad that character is dead though, because honestly I was getting sick of their shit.
68. I’ll definitely be back next week.
69. Why isn’t it next week yet?!