30 Things Only Drivers In Los Angeles Will Understand


1. This is how you feel every time you get on the freeway.

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2. You’ve spent countless minutes trying to sort out what the parking signs actually mean.

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3. Seriously, ain’t nobody got time for these parking riddles!

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4. This is your BFF.

Thank you, Sigalert, for always telling me when it’s OK to leave the house.

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5. If you pull up to a meter that still has time on it, it feels like you’ve just won the lottery, but better.

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6. Red-light cameras are terrifying, because no one knows if you have to actually pay the fine.

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7. And you don’t want a ticket, because when this happens, it’s as if the whole world is plotting against your happiness.

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8. Seeing this on the highway is not strange.

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9. Neither is this.

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10. You’ve gone through all of the stages of grief when it comes to L.A. traffic: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

Though I’m still stuck in the “despair” stage of things.

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11. The California DMV is a black hole from which no one ever really escapes.

I’m pretty sure I died the day I got my driver’s license.

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12. This is you.

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13. Switching stations to KPCC when KCRW is on a pledge drive.

Or vice versa.

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14. You’ve said this before, and genuinely meant it.

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15. You remember the fear of Carmageddon all too well.

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16. This is a very important question you’ll never know the answer to.

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17. Refusing to go to Santa Monica because it’s too far of a drive is a valid excuse.

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18. The devil’s bargain: Do you take the freeway, or the canyon road (Laurel, Coldwater, Sepulveda)?

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19. You have a love/hate relationship with valet.

You love that they’re usually everywhere, just like Cher says. But you hate that they needlessly take up parking meters with their annoying orange cones.

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20. The person who did this parking job is a horrible human being.

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21. And the person who drives this red car should be arrested.

How you gonna park like that, Ford?!

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22. When you’re desperate to find parking, you fully believe you can squeeze into any space, even if you clearly can’t.

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23. That amazing feeling when your side-street shortcut is wide open, and you pass all the suckers on the highway.

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24. This sign means you have to make an important decision of whether to brave the garage, or just give up on life and go home.

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25. When someone wastes precious parking inches, you get irrationally angry.

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26. You’ve seen hell, and it’s the parking structure at Hollywood and Highland.

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27. But you keep on driving, because you know how good it feels to blast your favorite song in the car.

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28. Sometimes it even makes you appreciate the music more.

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29. And someday you might get a parking spot with your name on it, which means it was all worth it.

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30. Or, ya know, the apocalypse could happen, and then you won’t have to worry about traffic ever again!

Angelenos will inherit the earth!

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