1. “Is that Lindsay Lohan?” “No, I heard it was One Direction.”
This was said outside of the press conference, where Lindsay Lohan was announcing her new film, Inconceivable.
To be fair, there was a rather large crowd around Lohan, and it was pretty impossible to see her. Plus, what’s less feasible: Lohan being at Sundance or One Direction? And they were both there basically, FYI.
2. “Did you refill your Brita?”
This was a valid question, actually. Park City, Utah, is at a high elevation and has really bad air pollution. Keeping hydrated is key to avoiding that altitude sickness.
Also? Brita basically sponsored Sundance and handed out these little Nalgene bottles in lines, at parties, in lines FOR parties. It was a Brita free-for-all.
3. “I’ve known Tilda since before she met Derek Jarman.”
Name-dropping is basic Sundance Survival 101. At times, it seems like the only way to communicate is to see how many famous people’s names you can fit into one sentence.
But if I learned anything after a week of hearing, “I went to dinner with [insert name here]” and “I was on a yacht with [insert name here],” it’s that if you have to drop the name, it probably means you don’t actually know that person. In fact, it’s basically a dead giveaway of how not close to fame you are.
4. “Is this a real owl?”
Yes, it was a real and very live owl named Bubo, and he was just kind of hanging out on Main Street, because YOLO.
5. “I saw somebody kind of famous…”
There were a lot of levels of famous walking around Sundance. Some, like Harry Styles, would bring young girls to tears as soon as they were sighted. Then there were others who you knew were famous, but, like, couldn’t quite remember how… Do you know who that person was? I think they’re on TV? Maybe?
6. “My boyfriend worked on that movie. He built the bathroom!”
I’m sure this was true. I’m sure this dude’s boyfriend really did work on the movie and really did build the bathroom. #humblebrag
7. “Hello, hi, I’ve known your name for years.”
This was said at a press screening for Only Lovers Left Alive, and it was said by a journalist to another journalist. Apparently, the first journalist had known the other’s name for years, and was a bit starstruck. It was quite cute actually.
8. “You went to high school with Ashley Greene?” “No, my friend played soccer with her. Actually, it was soccer with her sister.”
9. “I should’ve worn, like, three pairs of socks.”
Yes, you should’ve, because there’s snow on the ground, and sometimes when you’ve been walking for too long on Main Street you can no longer feel your toes and it’s terrifying. We all should’ve worn, like, three pairs of socks.
10. “Is there an outlet behind the bar?”
Everyone’s iPhones at Sundance were roughly five minutes from going completely dead at all times. No matter where you were — it could even be the middle of the street — you would hear someone panicked and saying, “Is there an outlet here?” It was kind of funny, until it happened to me and I was forced to plug in at a bar, like a jerk.
11. “This is going to sound really corny, but I think the altitude is really getting to me.”
To be fair, it didn’t sound that corny. The altitude got to me too, and it was terrifying.