The 16 Stages Of Canceling Plans

I have to wash my eyelashes tonight … Sorry!

1. Stage 1: Remember that there might be a thing you have to do, when you’d rather be doing nothing.

Whether you’ve had a long day, or you’re a secret introvert (like me!), you just immediately want to die a little.

2. Stage 2: Decide not to bring it up, because maybe they’ll forget, or something wonderful like that.

3. Stage 3: The unthinkable happens — they email to check if you’re still on for tonight.

5. Stage 5: Waffle back and forth on what to do for roughly an hour.

6. Stage 6: Make the executive decision that there is no way, no how, that you’re going out.

7. Stage 7: Complete and utter dread over the conversation you’ll need to have.

8. Stage 8: Brainstorm excuses for why you can’t go, like you need to eat …

Or you accidentally fell into the bowels of hell, and can’t be rescued…

9. Or maybe you just really need to get to a hospital…

10. Stage 9: Settle on the excuse that no one can ever, ever fight you on…

11. Stage 10: Apologize profusely after sending the excuse.

12. Stage 11: Then you wait, and wait, and wait until you wanna throw up, for their response.

13. Stage 12: After countless minutes — that feel like hours — they respond.

14. Stage 13: Take off your pants, sailor, because someone’s staying in tonight!

15. Stage 14: Let the wave of happiness rush over you.

16. Because the truth is, canceling plans is amazing.

17. Stage 15: Enjoy a lovely, quiet evening of bliss in the joy of your own company.

18. Stage 16: Then you go to sleep, happy with all of your life choices …

19. Until you realize you have plans tomorrow. (!!!)

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Deputy Editorial Director, Cat Wrangler
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