1. You aren’t being pooped on by a flock of seagulls.
The birds, not the amazing band.
2. You didn’t wake up to an obstacle course on your floor.
3. You’re not making out with someone while a cat’s on your back, and taking a photo of it.
4. You can throw a baseball farther than this athlete.
5. At least you’re not a creep reading Playboy in a crowded airport!
8. You didn’t reveal exactly how lonely you are with a twitpic.
10. At least your legs don’t turn to spaghetti when trying to buy beer.
14. You aren’t trying to survive a rain storm in this double poncho.
15. You don’t have an Easter basket attached to your head.
16. You didn’t jump off of a trampoline and shatter a slide while being videotaped.
17. You’re not part of the most epic non high five of all time.
19. Your family didn’t make you paint your face and pose as one of the colors of the rainbow.
24. You know how the difference between dognuts and doughnuts.
28. When you steal a guitar, you know there’s a better way than this…
30. Kobe Bryant didn’t just let you know that he gives zero fucks about what you’re saying.
Poor Chris Rock.
- At least three people – including a police officer – died in a shooting at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs. The suspect is in police custody. ›
- At least 15 people were killed after a suicide bomber attacked a Shiite Muslim procession of hundreds of people in Nigeria. ›
- And how well do you know what happened in the news this week? Take our quiz. ›