1. The really weird FOMO when all your friends get their periods first and you aren’t yet aware that it is an evil monthly catastrophe.
2. The intense sense of dread the first time you got your period.
Is that a lot?! Is it supposed to look like this!? It’s in my UNDERWEAR.
3. And the utter horror of having one or more people say to you immediately after, “You’re becoming a woman!”
PARTICULARLY if it’s your father.
5. The distress of trying to figure out how to use a tampon for the first time.
And every time, really.
6. The unintentional rivalry when someone else has boobs before you do.
7. Then you get exactly what you wanted, and you’re equal parts horrified and transfixed every time you see them.
8. The frustration of realizing that sports bras are actually more supportive than regular bras.
Sports bras are like duct tape for your melons, whereas a bra is like a supportive hand that only makes them bounce more.
9. Until you run in that sports bra and realize that no fabric can REALLY hold your boobs.
10. Self-loathing whenever anyone in your family acknowledges you’ve hit puberty.
11. Exasperation when your friends got frenched or fingered or any sort of sexual experience for the first time and you didn’t.
You were basically like… DA FUCK IS THIS.
12. The indescribable joy of discovering your clitoris.
Cue “A Whole New World,” please.
13. The often misguided curiosity that comes when you first start to play with and wear makeup.
15. The first time you try to shave your legs, and you are utterly convinced that you are going to cut yourself to ribbons.
16. And the anxiety of being waxed for the first time, and realizing you may have to be waxed again and again.
17. The glorious day (much later in life) when you discover you don’t HAVE to shave anything, because it’s your body.
And sometimes it’s winter. Also, who cares?
18. Pretending to be a grown-up whenever you wear high heels. Even as a grown-up.
19. The first time you visit the gynecologist and leave feeling as if you’ve made a terrible wrong turn.
Why speculums, WHY?!
20. When you’re forced to have some kind of sex talk and realize that YOUR VAGINA may have to push out a baby someday.
21. Wondering whether or not your parents know you’re having sex yet, and if it will ever be acknowledged, even though you’re living with your S.O. now.
22. The exquisite joy of having your first mani-pedi.
And the joy that continues each time you get a new one.
24. The shock of having your skirt fly up on a windy day when you’re wearing said thong.
Of course you KNEW that was a possibility, but still… why?!
25. The warm and fuzzy feelings each time you hang out with your girlfriends.
26. When you have a boyfriend, but aren’t really sure how exactly to “be sexy.”
27. The crushing panic of possibly being pregnant.
28. Which starts even if your period is only a day late.
And even if you haven’t had sex in months and it’s physically impossible.