14 Ways "Cruel Intentions" Changed My View On Sex

French kissing your BFFs for “practice” is totally cool, you guys. WARNING: NSFW language.

1999 was a big year for me. I turned 14, was about to graduate the 8th grade, and snuck into my first R-rated movie: Cruel Intentions.

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Prior to seeing this film, I didn’t know much about sex. I was, in the words of Kathryn (played by the incomparable Sarah Michelle Geller), “a fucking idiot,” just like Cecile.


In my defense, I went to Catholic school, and the closest thing to a sex talk my parents ever gave me was saying, “wait till marriage.” I had no clue what I was missing… But I think this was the only sex talk I ever needed, actually.

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1. A handjob can be done with your hands, but also with other things…like your bum bum.

Weirdly sexy wiggle dance, for the win.

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2. On that note, this is what blue balls look like.

Way harsh.

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3. Simulating a handjob on a tennis racket can be a confusingly sexy way to tell someone you’re DTF.

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4. Practicing French kissing on your friends might be sexier than the real thing.

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Like, yeah, it’s definitely sexier.

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5. It’s totally OK* to say this to your unbelievably hot stepbrother.

*Only OK if he’s Ryan Phillippe.

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Also OK to say this, if he needs more convincing.

Same rules apply as above.

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6. If you’re not as sex savvy as Kathryn, making “quirky” faces is an effective mating ritual.

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7. Double entendres should always be used as a way to end a phone call.

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8. Oral sex is as easy as learning your ABCs!

Note: This is false advertising.

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9. Even though I’m not a gay man, two sexy shirtless dudes in bed is still an effective turn on.

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10. Slutting it up is the only way to go, basically.

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11. Having an orgasm is pretty much the best thing ever.

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12. Ryan Phillippe’s ass is everything. It’s just everything.

To this day, my face makes the exact same expression as Reese’s every time I see DAT ASS.

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13. In fact, the only way I want to lose my virginity is if it’s to Ryan Phillippe…

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14. While this song plays in the background.

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