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22 Important Reasons Why No One Should Ever Wear Flip-Flops

Because there’s no such thing as a classy thong for your feet.

1. When you wear flippies to the beach, this is how they repay you.

Total jerk dogs.

2. And then if you try to wear any other type of shoe, your feet will look like monsters.

3. This is not cute. All I can think about is athlete’s foot…

DO THEY HAVE IT?!

4. And your chipped polish, and that weird Band-Aid.

5. Kitten heels don’t make them look any more tantalizing.

6. This is what happens when you try to stand up in flip-flops.

7. Or just move, in general.

8. Yeah, flip-flops are the fucking worst.

9. You’ll also probably die.

“If you wear shoes for three months, 93% have fecal bacteria and 20% have E. coli,” Dr. Charles P. Gerba told New York Daily News.

10. This is the obnoxious sound a flip-flop makes, and only adorable children can get away with it.

Your shoes shouldn’t come with their own soundtrack, FYI.

11. Unless you want someone with a foot fetish to suck on your feet, then don’t wear thongs on your toes.

12. There’s no such thing as a classy flip-flop.

13. But there is a “fancy” flip-flop, which looks like a piñata vomiting up taffy.

14. OH GOD, PLEASE JUST STOP THIS!!

15. Flip-flops are the easiest way to make you look like the opposite of a badass.

16. They also manage to make impossibly handsome people, like Zac Efron, look like fucking idiots.

Kristian Dowling / Getty Images

17. Or classy ladies, like Susan Sarandon, look like they’ve just wandered out of some vile hippie hut on the beach.

Vittorio Zunino Celotto / Getty Images

18. If you wear them to work, you’ll get fired*.

*If you work for me, that is.

19. Silver fox Anderson Cooper thinks they’re “gross” and “disgusting.”

Astrid Stawiarz / Getty Images

Maria Sansone isn’t heeding his fashion advice, however.

20. It’s probably because they emphasize your Hobbit-esque toes.

So hairy. :(

21. Do you want to look like a filthy vagabond? Because that’s what’ll happen when you wear flip-flops.

22. SERIOUSLY, THIS IS DISGUSTING, LET’S JUST ALL STOP WEARING THESE.

I beg of you.

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

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