1.The whole thing opened with Conchita Wurst flying through the venue.
2.Then a rapper appeared on stage wearing a fedora and singing with a choir of schoolchildren because, obviously.
3.The first country to perform was Slovenia, which involved the singer wearing a massive pair of headphones for absolutely no reason.
4.Israel's entry involved a guy who sang about being the "king of fun" while winking quite a lot.
5.And thrusting too.
6.Then this guy took to the stage and everyone was like, why the actual fuck is Louis Tomlinson the Estonian Eurovision entrant?
7.The whole thing was just a bit confusing. Mainly because the song featured lyrics such as this:
8.Then it was the UK's turn. And their lyrics weren't much better.
9.Meanwhile, Belgium's entry featured this lyric:
10.And this ~interesting~ choreography.
11.Then an Austrian James Bay played a piano for a bit before setting it on fire.
12.No, honestly.
13.There was a slightly bizarre moment when Montenegro's entrant bore more than a passing resemblance to George Galloway.
14.Spain's entry took to the stage and pretty much re-enacted Frozen.
15.It also featured this perfect moment.
16.But the most WTF part is that the chorus was basically "Old McDonald Had a Farm".
17.Azerbaijan's entry featured a lot of interpretive dance.
18.Then while the votes were being counted, we were treated to a bunch of men playing drums. For ages.
19.And we all felt envious of the places that get an ad break during this stage.
At least they were having fun.
20.When it came to hearing the results, we were treated to this moment from this woman in Finland.
21.Meanwhile, the person in Albania looked as though he were dressed for kids TV.
22.The connection continually dropped out as the hosts attempted to speak to each country, with Graham Norton exclaiming, "It's the year 2015, as if we're connected by two tin cans and some string".
23.When it came to Russia's turn, their correspondent decided to announce their points were going to RUSSIA!! Before yelling: "JUST KIDDING".