1. Papa Elf is going senile.
2. Santa is a dictatorial fascist who decides what elves will do with their lives for them.
3. The nun that put Buddy to bed lost her faith and became an alcoholic. She followed the band Rush around for a few tours, then got really in to drugs. She almost died of organ failure after a near-fatal dose of heroin, but the paramedics were able to resuscitate her. She later wrote a book about her experiences.
4. For the most part, the elves didn’t really like Buddy and enjoyed watching him suffer.
5. A “cotton-headed ninny-muggins” is an ethnic slur regarding lawn gnomes. A large percentage of elves believe they are genetically superior to them.
6. She was involved with James Caan. You do the math.
7. Buddy survived his journey by hunting and killing wild elk with his bare hands. There were deleted scenes that featured this.
9. Buddy was naturally very tall, but due to his consumption of nothing but sugary foods his entire life he had the bone density of a glass of water.
11. South Pole elves that tend to be more surly due to not receiving the respect that Santa’s elves get. This has led to violent raids of Santa’s village resulting in the deaths of hundreds of elves through the years. On some of Santa’s off months, he carpet bombs populated areas that he suspects harbors these violent factions of elves.
12. Jovie was left a large sum of money to her after her parents, Brian and Katie Maggiore, were both brutally slain by the original Night Stalker in 1978. The case is still unsolved.
13. See above.
14. Due to the death of her parents, Jovie missed out on a real childhood. She’s naturally drawn to a man that reminds her of the life she could have led.
16. Santa had a spare sleigh powered by jet fuel hidden in Camden. Due to the high crime rate, storage made the warehouse he keeps it in financially accessible.
17. They switched off, back and forth for a while, until Papa Elf’s mind began to slowly fade away. He barely recognizes Buddy anymore and occasionally mistakes Jovie for his late wife, Sheila. James Caan slowly began to lose interest in his lost son and the two grew apart. Last year Buddy received a phone call from his brother, Michael: Dad had passed away the day prior due to a brain aneurysm brought on by a fit of rage suffered after having his order fucked up at the local Church’s Chicken. According to his Michael, Buddy was left absolutely nothing in the will. Buddy knew this was a lie, but what with his foster father already deep into late stages of Alzheimer’s, he didn’t have the money or the energy to challenge his brother in court. With a heavy sigh, he told him that he loved him and wished him the best of luck. Michael laughed and hung up the phone on Buddy.