1. First of all, every day is just exhausting because you KNOW you have to deal with people.
Where’s my coffee?
2. Your personal hell consists of people who are constantly trying to make conversations with you.
Just please stop talking.
3. You preserve your energy for the copious amount of eye rolls you’ll be forced to make throughout the day.
It’s really not even your fault.
4. And all the times that you’ll have to raise your middle finger.
5. Plants have DIED from all the shade you throw.
:: shrugs ::
6. You practically invented subtweeting.
Because other people’s shit needs to be called out.
7. You feel personally victimized when someone tries to talk to you when your headphones are CLEARLY in your ear.
DO YOU NOT SEE THESE HEADPHONES?
8. You have very different aspirations for life than anyone else.
You dream big.
9. You value your car horn above all else.
Move bitch, get outta my way.
10. You’re only friends with people who hate people too.
And even then, it’s a struggle.
11. Other people sneezing around you is a trigger.
Can you fucking not?
12. Your hatred allows you to splurge in other areas.
Because hating people is free.
13. Your taste in music also revolves around your hatred for other people.
This shit’s my ringtone.
14. Your greatest fear is elevators.
But only because you’re afraid you’ll get stuck with a bunch of strangers.
15. Sales people are the usual subjects of your nightmares.
“Can I help you find something?”
Yeah, peace and quiet.
16. Faking a smile is easier than people constantly asking if you’re OK.
I’d be OK if you would stop talking to me.
17. Your resting bitch face isn’t actually resting.
It’s very active.
18. You don’t need anger management, you need people to stop pissing you off.
See you never.
19. You learned your nursery rhymes differently.
Aren’t these the right lyrics?
20. You know when it comes to a Saturday night, you could be social or you could read.
You always choose to read.
21. You have a whole book of people you want to punch in the face.
And soon you’ll need to write a sequel.
22. If you’ve ever tried to work a retail job, you were definitely fired.
Or quit, because, people.
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