You don’t have to…
4. Be a fan of Maggie Gyllenhaal.
You can choose to have no opinion whatsoever.
5. Get an IUD.
Other birth control methods might suit you better, and that’s okay.
9. Diet after New Year’s.
Well, maybe unless it’s this diet, which almost sounds fun.
12. Take a couple months off after college to “backpack.”
14. Go to Vegas.
Especially if it’s just for the elevator self-portraits.
20. Avoid fruit juice.
Yes, it has calories and sugar but is also delicious and nutritious!
22. Act like food is better because it came from a trailer.
24. Read all of the “New Yorker” every week.
Even the girl who writes a blog about reading The New Yorker doesn’t recommend reading all of it every week.
27. Visit museums.
That’s what the internet is for — to save us from wandering around too-air conditioned buildings to see stuff like this.
46. Pay more for artisinal anything.
Like soap with leaves in it.
49. Tell stories about how drunk you got that one time.
50. Get an iPhone.
What’s that in Rihanna’s hand? A white BlackBerry Bold.